I didn't weigh myself this morning. My stomach is rolling and I'm feeling more than a bit under the weather, so stepping on the scale would probably only prove to further that feeling.
Could possibly have something to do with the chinese food I made my husband get me last night.
I'll weigh in tomorrow morning and give you all an update.
Until then, I want to know your opinion on something: how is it that I can have an entire blue plastic tote filled with incredibly cute capri pants that are a size too small sitting in my basement, but yet I am not motivated enough to lose the weight to fit into those pants? By not having this motivation I am furthering my angst that I have to wear the "same ole, same ole" because I refuse to buy clothes in the size I need now...simply because I don't want to waste money on clothes I'm sure won't fit me more than 6 months. Yet, I'm not losing, I'm in the same size I've been in for 2 years.
Grab some coffee, sit down and discuss amongst yourselves.
Friday, June 1, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
TGIF
I'm coming to you live in front of my computer, jiggling my belly fat but feeling good. I got up this morning and did some quasi-yoga stretches and then goofed around "exercising" on the floor with the Princess. Counts for sumthin' right?
I weighed in at 201.0 this morning. I gave my husband the challenge of losing 5 lbs by June 8th when we go to Pittsburgh for a family get together. I can so do that.
He's been a bit down lately. Seems he had one of "those" moments the other day when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and was disgusted by what he saw. You all know what I'm talking about. So, the challenge is once again on. I'm ready for it.
How'd you do?
I weighed in at 201.0 this morning. I gave my husband the challenge of losing 5 lbs by June 8th when we go to Pittsburgh for a family get together. I can so do that.
He's been a bit down lately. Seems he had one of "those" moments the other day when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and was disgusted by what he saw. You all know what I'm talking about. So, the challenge is once again on. I'm ready for it.
How'd you do?
Friday, May 18, 2007
MILF Update Finally
Okay, it's obvious that I haven't been posting because, well, I suck. Although I still obsess about how much I weigh and how much I want to lose, this past month I gave up. I quit exercising as much, started eating crappier and stopped posting on here.
I feel like shit.
So, I hopped on the scale today and read "202.5". I'm up 3 lbs in a month. Incredible just how easy it is to gain 3 lbs as opposed to losing it, isn't it? At this rate I will be at my starting weight of 217 in 5 weeks.
It has to stop. It will stop.
I was thinking this morning about how hard I worked to lose during the winter. Those cold, dark nights were spent with me all bundled up walking my dog...the early mornings where I'd show up at the gym at the ungodly hour of 5am. Now what am I doing? I'm sleeping til 7am b/c I've been staying up late watching tv. We eat out in our sunroom where we're more likely to sit and relax longer, making it easier to munch on bits and pieces leftover. I've begun drinking wine again, too, and 2 to 3 glasses is my usual. Let's face it, a woman who can sip on just one glass of wine during dinner is no friend of mine.
Tomorrow I will walk with my mom and daughter for the Race for the Cure. I wish I could say I'm running but walking will suffice. I'm hoping to huff and puff my way through it (provided the Princess stays long enough in her stroller) and to finish the race with my head held high. I'm also hoping it will inspire me to live my life a bit more healthy.
The summer time is going to be harder for me than the winter. Nothing happens during the winter, but summer is jam packed full of baseball games, picnics and get togethers where there is always abundant food and drink. I just have to get moving if I'm going to partake in all that goodness.
Starting weight: 217.0
Today's weight: 202.5
Goal weight: 180.0
I feel like shit.
So, I hopped on the scale today and read "202.5". I'm up 3 lbs in a month. Incredible just how easy it is to gain 3 lbs as opposed to losing it, isn't it? At this rate I will be at my starting weight of 217 in 5 weeks.
It has to stop. It will stop.
I was thinking this morning about how hard I worked to lose during the winter. Those cold, dark nights were spent with me all bundled up walking my dog...the early mornings where I'd show up at the gym at the ungodly hour of 5am. Now what am I doing? I'm sleeping til 7am b/c I've been staying up late watching tv. We eat out in our sunroom where we're more likely to sit and relax longer, making it easier to munch on bits and pieces leftover. I've begun drinking wine again, too, and 2 to 3 glasses is my usual. Let's face it, a woman who can sip on just one glass of wine during dinner is no friend of mine.
Tomorrow I will walk with my mom and daughter for the Race for the Cure. I wish I could say I'm running but walking will suffice. I'm hoping to huff and puff my way through it (provided the Princess stays long enough in her stroller) and to finish the race with my head held high. I'm also hoping it will inspire me to live my life a bit more healthy.
The summer time is going to be harder for me than the winter. Nothing happens during the winter, but summer is jam packed full of baseball games, picnics and get togethers where there is always abundant food and drink. I just have to get moving if I'm going to partake in all that goodness.
Starting weight: 217.0
Today's weight: 202.5
Goal weight: 180.0
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
What Dreams May Bring
Last night I fell asleep as I thought about old classmates, ones with whom I graduated. I don't talk to anyone from my high school, though I only live about 45 minutes away and it is a small town. I'm always amazed that every time I visit my dad that I never see anyone I know, but in a small sense I'm glad that I don't.
I was fairly popular in high school, but not in an obnoxious way. I was neither über jocky/cheerleaderish or über nerdy. I was extremely comfortable in the middle. That being said, I have memories of interactions that occurred in high school that haunt me still. I occasionally get obsessed over whether Jay thinks I'm a slut for sleeping with him or if Teresa is still pissed at me because of something I said. I have no idea why.
The biggest worry of all in regards to these folks of my past? If/when I see one of them, will they think, "Jaheezus, she's let herself go!" I imagine the conversations they'd have with other classmates, pondering the fact that I now weigh 30 lbs heavier than when I graduated. It won't matter that I've had 2 kids or that I've lived in 2 other states or even that I'm happy with my life. All that concerns them is my image.
I dreamt of some of them last night. My old high school was filled with faces, some friendly, others whispering about me. One old classmate came up and hugged me, telling me how good it was to see me. Weird considering I'd never regarded her as a true friend. There were groups of people blatantly avoiding me and I knew exactly why. They had all gained weight themselves but that didn't matter. What did was my own gain.
I woke this morning really pissed off. It was absolutely no problem for me to roll out of bed this morning before the alarm even sounded and get dressed. I popped in my earphones and was instantly gratified to hear Stupify. I started off slowly but quickly started to jog. My mind was filled with taunts and whispers of imagined conversations.
Why was I letting this get to me? I don' t really know, but as I walked up the street with my house in sight, I thought that perhaps this was the one thing that would help me. And that's just sad. Sad on so many levels.
But you know what? It really pushed me. I was so intent on finishing what I started, so focused on the end result. So, what started out as negative thinking about people from the past ended up as my first successful day on Couch to 5K.
Take that.
I was fairly popular in high school, but not in an obnoxious way. I was neither über jocky/cheerleaderish or über nerdy. I was extremely comfortable in the middle. That being said, I have memories of interactions that occurred in high school that haunt me still. I occasionally get obsessed over whether Jay thinks I'm a slut for sleeping with him or if Teresa is still pissed at me because of something I said. I have no idea why.
The biggest worry of all in regards to these folks of my past? If/when I see one of them, will they think, "Jaheezus, she's let herself go!" I imagine the conversations they'd have with other classmates, pondering the fact that I now weigh 30 lbs heavier than when I graduated. It won't matter that I've had 2 kids or that I've lived in 2 other states or even that I'm happy with my life. All that concerns them is my image.
I dreamt of some of them last night. My old high school was filled with faces, some friendly, others whispering about me. One old classmate came up and hugged me, telling me how good it was to see me. Weird considering I'd never regarded her as a true friend. There were groups of people blatantly avoiding me and I knew exactly why. They had all gained weight themselves but that didn't matter. What did was my own gain.
I woke this morning really pissed off. It was absolutely no problem for me to roll out of bed this morning before the alarm even sounded and get dressed. I popped in my earphones and was instantly gratified to hear Stupify. I started off slowly but quickly started to jog. My mind was filled with taunts and whispers of imagined conversations.
Why was I letting this get to me? I don' t really know, but as I walked up the street with my house in sight, I thought that perhaps this was the one thing that would help me. And that's just sad. Sad on so many levels.
But you know what? It really pushed me. I was so intent on finishing what I started, so focused on the end result. So, what started out as negative thinking about people from the past ended up as my first successful day on Couch to 5K.
Take that.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Pusher Man
My husband and I started this whole weight loss thing together. The first few months we were doing so well, both of us going to the gym at least 3x a week, me making healthy meals for our family, etc. I'm not sure when we started to go downhill, but I'm sure it had something to do with the busy-ness of warm weather.
Neither of us has seen the inside of the gym for the better part of a month. Me especially, since I prefer to be outdoors. He's given up on the Couch to 5K because of some sort of mental blockage...he feels like he's not able to go more than 15 minutes in a row of running, so why bother?
I'm not giving up on us, though. Since I've told him in the past that I think I'd do better if he (or anyone for that matter) would actually hold me accountable for this weight loss. Meaning that if I say I'm going to do something and don't actually do it? He has to kick my ass into shape.
Um, he's not so good at that. Part of the whole lazy thing we've got going on, I guess.
I decided to do it to him the other night. He told me that he was going to get up early Monday morning and go for a run...this after he said he was going to do it all weekend. But Monday morning came and he was just. too. tired. He'd do it that night, he said. Monday evening we went to my mom's to eat and didn't get home until after 8. By that time all he wanted. to. do. was. relax. I gave him hell on my way out the door to take my own walk.
As I sweated my way around the neighborhood, I thought about his aversion (and mine!) to exercise and healthy eating. I don't have a good reason for it, other than good food tastes so damn, well, good and exercise sometimes hurts.
But...
we both committed to each other that we would/could/should do this for ourselves and for our family. So, I came back home after my walk and asked him to turn away from the laptop and t.v. and give me his full attention. I told him that I wasn't necessarily giving him grief just to be a nagging, bitchy wife but because I felt he needed it. I know he wants to feel better and I know that our personalities aren't exactly Type A so we both need someone to push us. Someone that reminds us of the promise we made. I told him that I know he can get back on track and that he'll start to see results soon.
The next morning he got up at 5 am and went for a run.
This morning was my turn to get up early. But I'd slept like hell (anticipating all of the ghastly storms we were supposed to get, I assume) and didn't want to crawl out of my comfy, cozy bed. I asked him to turn off the alarm.
He did.
Dammit, didn't I just tell you that I need you to push me? To make me liable? I lay there awake while this was going through my head. Mind you, I didn't get up and go walking, no, but still. I think I would do so much better with a, "get yer butt outta bed right now!" than what I'm getting.
I hate to admit it, but I need a pusher man. I just can't do it on my own. I love seeing all of your comments and knowing that you're there to support me, but it's just not the same as having someone in your actual face telling you to put down the chocolate cake and chips and back away from the feeding trough!
I guess I'll just have to nag my man to nag me, then.
Neither of us has seen the inside of the gym for the better part of a month. Me especially, since I prefer to be outdoors. He's given up on the Couch to 5K because of some sort of mental blockage...he feels like he's not able to go more than 15 minutes in a row of running, so why bother?
I'm not giving up on us, though. Since I've told him in the past that I think I'd do better if he (or anyone for that matter) would actually hold me accountable for this weight loss. Meaning that if I say I'm going to do something and don't actually do it? He has to kick my ass into shape.
Um, he's not so good at that. Part of the whole lazy thing we've got going on, I guess.
I decided to do it to him the other night. He told me that he was going to get up early Monday morning and go for a run...this after he said he was going to do it all weekend. But Monday morning came and he was just. too. tired. He'd do it that night, he said. Monday evening we went to my mom's to eat and didn't get home until after 8. By that time all he wanted. to. do. was. relax. I gave him hell on my way out the door to take my own walk.
As I sweated my way around the neighborhood, I thought about his aversion (and mine!) to exercise and healthy eating. I don't have a good reason for it, other than good food tastes so damn, well, good and exercise sometimes hurts.
But...
we both committed to each other that we would/could/should do this for ourselves and for our family. So, I came back home after my walk and asked him to turn away from the laptop and t.v. and give me his full attention. I told him that I wasn't necessarily giving him grief just to be a nagging, bitchy wife but because I felt he needed it. I know he wants to feel better and I know that our personalities aren't exactly Type A so we both need someone to push us. Someone that reminds us of the promise we made. I told him that I know he can get back on track and that he'll start to see results soon.
The next morning he got up at 5 am and went for a run.
This morning was my turn to get up early. But I'd slept like hell (anticipating all of the ghastly storms we were supposed to get, I assume) and didn't want to crawl out of my comfy, cozy bed. I asked him to turn off the alarm.
He did.
Dammit, didn't I just tell you that I need you to push me? To make me liable? I lay there awake while this was going through my head. Mind you, I didn't get up and go walking, no, but still. I think I would do so much better with a, "get yer butt outta bed right now!" than what I'm getting.
I hate to admit it, but I need a pusher man. I just can't do it on my own. I love seeing all of your comments and knowing that you're there to support me, but it's just not the same as having someone in your actual face telling you to put down the chocolate cake and chips and back away from the feeding trough!
I guess I'll just have to nag my man to nag me, then.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
A Wall
I've hit one, that is.
I step on the scale, I see it creeping slowly upwards again. I told myself this morning that if reads 202, that I can either say "Fuck it" and continue gaining the weight back or I can kick my ass and get back on track. It wavered, saying 202, but then settled on 201.5.
A 2 pound difference to being just under 200, but it might as well be 20.
I'm in that state again of berating myself while eating or while thinking about eating (which is every hour of every waking moment). I chastise my body for not getting up and exercising, yet I'm so damned antsy that you'd think I'd be a stick by now the way that I fidget.
What is it going to take for me to do this? My original goal was to be at 180 by May 17th. Now, I'll have to lose over 6 lbs for 3 weeks in a row to get to that.
What I could do is this: I could start back to the gym again, doing the elliptical and strength exercises. I could journal my eating habits and not go for the sweets and chips.
I could. I can. When I did this before, I was averaging a 2 lb loss per week. I could lose 6 lbs by May 17th. Better than gaining that 6 lbs back, which is the path I am currently taking.
So, chin up, Sillychick. Time to get moving again. Time to start blogging your accomplishments rather than your defeats. No one likes a Negative Nelly.
I step on the scale, I see it creeping slowly upwards again. I told myself this morning that if reads 202, that I can either say "Fuck it" and continue gaining the weight back or I can kick my ass and get back on track. It wavered, saying 202, but then settled on 201.5.
A 2 pound difference to being just under 200, but it might as well be 20.
I'm in that state again of berating myself while eating or while thinking about eating (which is every hour of every waking moment). I chastise my body for not getting up and exercising, yet I'm so damned antsy that you'd think I'd be a stick by now the way that I fidget.
What is it going to take for me to do this? My original goal was to be at 180 by May 17th. Now, I'll have to lose over 6 lbs for 3 weeks in a row to get to that.
What I could do is this: I could start back to the gym again, doing the elliptical and strength exercises. I could journal my eating habits and not go for the sweets and chips.
I could. I can. When I did this before, I was averaging a 2 lb loss per week. I could lose 6 lbs by May 17th. Better than gaining that 6 lbs back, which is the path I am currently taking.
So, chin up, Sillychick. Time to get moving again. Time to start blogging your accomplishments rather than your defeats. No one likes a Negative Nelly.
Friday, April 20, 2007
I'm a little Yo Yo tall and fat...
I'm back up over 200 lbs this week by a pound. Woo. Big surprise.
I'm off my shit, girls. I haven't kept my promise to you. I ate like shit all week and didn't run like I said I would.
I'm in the "who gives a fuck" phase of this whole shebang.
So, I guess I'm calling out for help. Or an ass kicking. Whichever you're better at.
I'm off my shit, girls. I haven't kept my promise to you. I ate like shit all week and didn't run like I said I would.
I'm in the "who gives a fuck" phase of this whole shebang.
So, I guess I'm calling out for help. Or an ass kicking. Whichever you're better at.
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