Out Damned Scale!

Cawfee Tawk

2007-06-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

I didn't weigh myself this morning. My stomach is rolling and I'm feeling more than a bit under the weather, so stepping on the scale would probably only prove to further that feeling.

Could possibly have something to do with the chinese food I made my husband get me last night.

I'll weigh in tomorrow morning and give you all an update.

Until then, I want to know your opinion on something: how is it that I can have an entire blue plastic tote filled with incredibly cute capri pants that are a size too small sitting in my basement, but yet I am not motivated enough to lose the weight to fit into those pants? By not having this motivation I am furthering my angst that I have to wear the "same ole, same ole" because I refuse to buy clothes in the size I need now...simply because I don't want to waste money on clothes I'm sure won't fit me more than 6 months. Yet, I'm not losing, I'm in the same size I've been in for 2 years.

Grab some coffee, sit down and discuss amongst yourselves.

TGIF

2007-05-25T07:02:00.000-07:00

I'm coming to you live in front of my computer, jiggling my belly fat but feeling good. I got up this morning and did some quasi-yoga stretches and then goofed around "exercising" on the floor with the Princess. Counts for sumthin' right?

I weighed in at 201.0 this morning. I gave my husband the challenge of losing 5 lbs by June 8th when we go to Pittsburgh for a family get together. I can so do that.

He's been a bit down lately. Seems he had one of "those" moments the other day when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and was disgusted by what he saw. You all know what I'm talking about. So, the challenge is once again on. I'm ready for it.

How'd you do?

MILF Update Finally

2007-05-18T05:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's obvious that I haven't been posting because, well, I suck. Although I still obsess about how much I weigh and how much I want to lose, this past month I gave up. I quit exercising as much, started eating crappier and stopped posting on here.

I feel like shit.

So, I hopped on the scale today and read "202.5". I'm up 3 lbs in a month. Incredible just how easy it is to gain 3 lbs as opposed to losing it, isn't it? At this rate I will be at my starting weight of 217 in 5 weeks.

It has to stop. It will stop.

I was thinking this morning about how hard I worked to lose during the winter. Those cold, dark nights were spent with me all bundled up walking my dog...the early mornings where I'd show up at the gym at the ungodly hour of 5am. Now what am I doing? I'm sleeping til 7am b/c I've been staying up late watching tv. We eat out in our sunroom where we're more likely to sit and relax longer, making it easier to munch on bits and pieces leftover. I've begun drinking wine again, too, and 2 to 3 glasses is my usual. Let's face it, a woman who can sip on just one glass of wine during dinner is no friend of mine.

Tomorrow I will walk with my mom and daughter for the Race for the Cure. I wish I could say I'm running but walking will suffice. I'm hoping to huff and puff my way through it (provided the Princess stays long enough in her stroller) and to finish the race with my head held high. I'm also hoping it will inspire me to live my life a bit more healthy.

The summer time is going to be harder for me than the winter. Nothing happens during the winter, but summer is jam packed full of baseball games, picnics and get togethers where there is always abundant food and drink. I just have to get moving if I'm going to partake in all that goodness.

Starting weight: 217.0
Today's weight: 202.5
Goal weight: 180.0

What Dreams May Bring

2007-05-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

Last night I fell asleep as I thought about old classmates, ones with whom I graduated. I don't talk to anyone from my high school, though I only live about 45 minutes away and it is a small town. I'm always amazed that every time I visit my dad that I never see anyone I know, but in a small sense I'm glad that I don't.

I was fairly popular in high school, but not in an obnoxious way. I was neither über jocky/cheerleaderish or über nerdy. I was extremely comfortable in the middle. That being said, I have memories of interactions that occurred in high school that haunt me still. I occasionally get obsessed over whether Jay thinks I'm a slut for sleeping with him or if Teresa is still pissed at me because of something I said. I have no idea why.

The biggest worry of all in regards to these folks of my past? If/when I see one of them, will they think, "Jaheezus, she's let herself go!" I imagine the conversations they'd have with other classmates, pondering the fact that I now weigh 30 lbs heavier than when I graduated. It won't matter that I've had 2 kids or that I've lived in 2 other states or even that I'm happy with my life. All that concerns them is my image.

I dreamt of some of them last night. My old high school was filled with faces, some friendly, others whispering about me. One old classmate came up and hugged me, telling me how good it was to see me. Weird considering I'd never regarded her as a true friend. There were groups of people blatantly avoiding me and I knew exactly why. They had all gained weight themselves but that didn't matter. What did was my own gain.

I woke this morning really pissed off. It was absolutely no problem for me to roll out of bed this morning before the alarm even sounded and get dressed. I popped in my earphones and was instantly gratified to hear Stupify. I started off slowly but quickly started to jog. My mind was filled with taunts and whispers of imagined conversations.

Why was I letting this get to me? I don' t really know, but as I walked up the street with my house in sight, I thought that perhaps this was the one thing that would help me. And that's just sad. Sad on so many levels.

But you know what? It really pushed me. I was so intent on finishing what I started, so focused on the end result. So, what started out as negative thinking about people from the past ended up as my first successful day on Couch to 5K.

Take that.

Pusher Man

2007-05-02T11:06:00.000-07:00

My husband and I started this whole weight loss thing together. The first few months we were doing so well, both of us going to the gym at least 3x a week, me making healthy meals for our family, etc. I'm not sure when we started to go downhill, but I'm sure it had something to do with the busy-ness of warm weather.

Neither of us has seen the inside of the gym for the better part of a month. Me especially, since I prefer to be outdoors. He's given up on the Couch to 5K because of some sort of mental blockage...he feels like he's not able to go more than 15 minutes in a row of running, so why bother?

I'm not giving up on us, though. Since I've told him in the past that I think I'd do better if he (or anyone for that matter) would actually hold me accountable for this weight loss. Meaning that if I say I'm going to do something and don't actually do it? He has to kick my ass into shape.

Um, he's not so good at that. Part of the whole lazy thing we've got going on, I guess.

I decided to do it to him the other night. He told me that he was going to get up early Monday morning and go for a run...this after he said he was going to do it all weekend. But Monday morning came and he was just. too. tired. He'd do it that night, he said. Monday evening we went to my mom's to eat and didn't get home until after 8. By that time all he wanted. to. do. was. relax. I gave him hell on my way out the door to take my own walk.

As I sweated my way around the neighborhood, I thought about his aversion (and mine!) to exercise and healthy eating. I don't have a good reason for it, other than good food tastes so damn, well, good and exercise sometimes hurts.

But...

we both committed to each other that we would/could/should do this for ourselves and for our family. So, I came back home after my walk and asked him to turn away from the laptop and t.v. and give me his full attention. I told him that I wasn't necessarily giving him grief just to be a nagging, bitchy wife but because I felt he needed it. I know he wants to feel better and I know that our personalities aren't exactly Type A so we both need someone to push us. Someone that reminds us of the promise we made. I told him that I know he can get back on track and that he'll start to see results soon.

The next morning he got up at 5 am and went for a run.

This morning was my turn to get up early. But I'd slept like hell (anticipating all of the ghastly storms we were supposed to get, I assume) and didn't want to crawl out of my comfy, cozy bed. I asked him to turn off the alarm.

He did.

Dammit, didn't I just tell you that I need you to push me? To make me liable? I lay there awake while this was going through my head. Mind you, I didn't get up and go walking, no, but still. I think I would do so much better with a, "get yer butt outta bed right now!" than what I'm getting.

I hate to admit it, but I need a pusher man. I just can't do it on my own. I love seeing all of your comments and knowing that you're there to support me, but it's just not the same as having someone in your actual face telling you to put down the chocolate cake and chips and back away from the feeding trough!

I guess I'll just have to nag my man to nag me, then.

A Wall

2007-04-26T07:03:00.000-07:00

I've hit one, that is.

I step on the scale, I see it creeping slowly upwards again. I told myself this morning that if reads 202, that I can either say "Fuck it" and continue gaining the weight back or I can kick my ass and get back on track. It wavered, saying 202, but then settled on 201.5.

A 2 pound difference to being just under 200, but it might as well be 20.

I'm in that state again of berating myself while eating or while thinking about eating (which is every hour of every waking moment). I chastise my body for not getting up and exercising, yet I'm so damned antsy that you'd think I'd be a stick by now the way that I fidget.

What is it going to take for me to do this? My original goal was to be at 180 by May 17th. Now, I'll have to lose over 6 lbs for 3 weeks in a row to get to that.

What I could do is this: I could start back to the gym again, doing the elliptical and strength exercises. I could journal my eating habits and not go for the sweets and chips.

I could. I can. When I did this before, I was averaging a 2 lb loss per week. I could lose 6 lbs by May 17th. Better than gaining that 6 lbs back, which is the path I am currently taking.

So, chin up, Sillychick. Time to get moving again. Time to start blogging your accomplishments rather than your defeats. No one likes a Negative Nelly.

I'm a little Yo Yo tall and fat...

2007-04-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

I'm back up over 200 lbs this week by a pound. Woo. Big surprise.

I'm off my shit, girls. I haven't kept my promise to you. I ate like shit all week and didn't run like I said I would.

I'm in the "who gives a fuck" phase of this whole shebang.

So, I guess I'm calling out for help. Or an ass kicking. Whichever you're better at.

The Ramblings of a Thick Chick

2007-04-18T11:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, so on Sunday I did a bit of jogging. By jogging, I mean walk 5 minutes, jog 30 seconds, walk 1 minute, jog 30 seconds, etc. Other than the fire in my throat due to a chest and head cold, it wasn't so bad.

I came back, nice and stanky smelling to find my husband watching a show on obesity on our local station. It was a 3 hour program following around 4 or 5 people who were or still are obese. Now, keep in mind that I am considered obese (at 5'8" and 199 lbs) according to whomever makes up the rules.

Ahem.

It was extremely interesting to get the take on how science, obese people and "every day" people all view this subject. For instance, there was one young man who weighed in around 350 pounds while his fraternal twin sister was 147 lbs. She, along with the rest of their family, couldn't understand why he couldn't just stop eating or why he didn't just go to the gym.

Another woman had been overweight until she started taking care of her mother, who had been stricken with cancer. As she had to prepare healthy meals for her mom, she started to eat that way too and soon saw the weight come off. Although she's at a healthy weight, she still struggles.

One man writes books about obesity for overweight kids. He's perfectly happy being the weight he is and describes an encounter with a salewoman at a store. She, being 6'5", asked him if he's ever been ignored in a store. His answer was yes and he asked the same of her. Yes, she had too, simply because she didn't fit the "norm" of what a customer is supposed to look like.

They also featured a few doctors and all shed some very interesting light on our weight issues. They talked of how we think, how when we go to the mall we feel as though we're getting such a bargain because they give us so much food for only $4! And how we must eat that food because it's right there in front of us!

Another mentioned that, after years of studying the gut, he thinks that there is a separate brain in the gut. One that overrides the actual thought process in our bodies, one that makes us want to keep eating even when we know it's not right.

The most disturbing part? A study was done on overweight people who joined a group to lose weight. Most dropped out after a time. Of those who stayed, most didn't lose weight. Of those who did lose weight, most didn't keep it off. It's suggested that there is something in our brains that just won't let us lose weight. It's more powerful than "mind over matter" or self control.

I learned alot while watching this program. It's so easy to feel defeated when you've got the "skinny" people in the world telling you how easy it would be to lose weight if you would "just stop eating" or actually exercise. It's much more than that and goes to way deeper level than I ever thought.

The best part of the program, I should say, is when a woman being featured told of her and her sister's lives. While she's always been overweight, her sister is the epitome of a healthy looking woman: skinny, fit, etc. Yet, the heavier one has rarely been sick in her life and her sister has had separate bouts of cancer (different types) and always seems to be ill. I'm not saying I'm happy that she's been sick...I'm just saying that skinny does not always mean healthy. This is my first cold of the year and it's only lasted 3 days.

My fat keeps me warm, I guess.

So, as I walked during my lunch breaks this week, I thought of this program and what it had taught me: that it's not going to be easy, that this weight loss has to come from that deeply hidden spot within me and that if I want to succeed, I can't let anyone tear me down.

Ramblings done.

MILFy Milfeee

2007-04-13T08:47:00.000-07:00

It's Friday the 13th and I'm up a pound! Yeehaww!

I guess that's what you get when you eat home cooking provided by your mother-in-law all week which was preceded by Easter and your birthday.

Oh well. Tomorrow is another day and, barring snow, I will start the Couch to 5K program tomorrow evening.

That, my dear internet friends, is a promise that I am making to you. What promise are you making to me?

Jello Jigglers

2007-04-12T07:49:00.000-07:00

I feel so famous, so loved. Gretchen wrote a post just for me, in response to my whining.

I got the shoes, got fitted, love them. I have Fred Flintstone feet and I've spent years cramming these tootsies into shoes that I thought fit. Now I feel almost like they're too big, but I guess that's what I should have felt all along. Now if we could just get the pumps and flats people on board, I'd be set.

My hubby is doing the C25K program and has progressed really well. He's a big boy so it's been nice to know that if he can do it, so can I. I tried it for about a week but got frustrated, well, because of something stupid:
See, you're supposed to walk for 5 minutes, run for 1 minute, walk for 1 1/2 minutes, etc. Well, I usually walk at night so my husband bought me a timer with a light. Only the light didn't actually work on the numbers, it was a little red flashlight. So, I'd be running, counting down the seconds, trying desperately to hold up the timer to whatever porch light I could find to figure out when I should stop/start/breathe. I gave it up.

I'm cool like that.

Now he has the podcasts and says that as long as I don't mind running to techno music, I should be good. I can handle that music for now. I'll just carry a glow stick and perhaps do some E before my run.

As I lose my weight, I desperately hope for the loss to reach my boobs. I look at the sites for running bras and I lose all hope seeing that the highest cup size is a DDD. The problem is that I'm a K, which is usually a size reserved for dancers or grandmas who do nothing but cook and knit all day. So, to compensate, you buy a bigger size around but that means it's constantly hiking up and the girls end up somewhere near your nose or your belly button, often at the same time. I do have some industrial strength boulder holders, though, so they'll suffice for now.

I guess I need a goal. When I go out walking, my main purpose is to get my heart rate up and to wear the dog out. I walk wherever, often times just exploring. Should I set a specific time instead or will this work as well? Right now I'm doing about a 17 minute mile, so it will only take going a bit faster to accomplish a semi-run (aka jog).

I know I can do this. I want to do this. I will do this. Anyone up for joining me?

My Daily Prayer

2007-04-11T11:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Heavenly Father, I have a confession:

I am envious. I want to be like Gretchen. I want to be able to run miles like her, to set that treadmill (or pedometer) to a certain distance, turn on my music and just go.

What I don't want it is to feel like my lungs are filled like lighter fluid and for my breath to come just a bit less, well, ragged. I don't particularly care for my shins to ache, either.

I guess what I'm asking for is some divine intervention, oh Lord (and why not? I mean I am a mom after all). Yes, I know that I haven't actually run since my last track practice in the spring of 1987. I'm well aware that my fat as, er, butt is out of shape. But could you cut me some slack? I mean, I did go out and get some shoes and some cute work out pants. I've got the killer sounds on the player and I even bought a reflective vest for night running! I'm ready, oh Lord!

Perhaps I need to buy a camelback to be truly ready? Or short shorts? If I did get all of those (and more!) would you give me the ability to run for miles without actually collapsing? Shoot, I'd take a half mile at this point! Just one half of one mile without feeling as though I'm breathing water or carrying an extra 50 pounds (be nice!)

So, how 'bout it? Could you give me some pointers besides the obvious, "Slow and steady wins the race" mantra that was going through my head last night as I was trying my darndest to run 200 feet without panting? That would be so super.

Oh, and could you do something about the sports bra manufacturers? You gave me these girls, now help me to control them.

Ahhhhhmen

I got tagged! (sort of)

2007-04-10T07:41:00.000-07:00

Annie had this meme over at her place and I'm in the mood to tell y'all random shit about myself so here goes:

1. What is your favorite kind of milkshake?

I was a manager of an ice cream shop for 4 years so I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to exactly what I'll slurp through a straw. I'd have to say, by far, the bestest concoction I came up with is a rather simplistic one:

Chocolate shake (made with chocolate ice cream, not vanilla and the actual ice cream mix as liquid) topped off with hot fudge. One taste and you'll have to change your panties.

2. What is your fantasy job?

Hmmm, seeing as how I constantly ask myself this, I have no idea. I want to be able to help those who can't help themselves (ie children or abused women) but also want to be able to have food put on my table, too. Isn't it funny how some of the most important jobs pay so little? I won't step on the soap box, so consider yourself lucky.

If I can't do that, I'd consider being a sex slave to Matthew McConaughey but I'd have to ask him to not talk because lately his voice has been getting on my nerves.

3. Do you consider yourself a "neat freak" or can you handle a little mess?

I don't function well in messy situations (the voices in my head get all jumbled up) but I can handle some dust and dirt on the floor. If I couldn't, I would lose my mind on a daily basis because my house gets run over by dust bunnies constantly. However, clutter and I do not get along and I've been known to hyperventilate if I can't find something due to the piles of shit on my countertops.

4. What are your thoughts about tattoos?

I'm all about self expression. It's your body, you do with it what you want, just don't get pissed off when you hear someone talk about it. You put it out there knowing someone is bound to make a comment, so suck it up when they do.

I grew up with a guy who went through a racist phase in his late teens/early 20s and has tats all over his body depicting that rage. One states "White Power" across the back of his neck and he has another of Hitler on his forearm (this one is actually quite beautiful, I just prefer to think it's Oliver Hardy.) I hadn't talked to him since we were kids, but saw him when we were both in our mid 20s. He'd since grown out of that phase and I asked if he regretted any of the tats. His response was no, because every one told a story of where he was in a particular time in his life. He could go back and see how he felt and why he should never feel that way again. It was a good way to look at things.

Myself, I have a very small tattoo on the small of my back (how original!) of a chinese character (how ground breaking!) It means "Beautiful Woman" and I got it because no matter what anyone thinks of me or what beauty may be perceived of at any time, I will always consider myself a beautiful woman.

5. Where would you go on your fantasy vacation? Who would you want to be with you?

This world is pretty damn big, so this is a tough one. I think if it was to be romantic, Florence Italy with my husband, doing nothing but being.

Otherwise, I would choose Vienna with my grandmother and mother as this is where they are from originally.

Who's next?

35 Candles

2007-04-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday today! Yeaaaaaa!!!! That means cake and ice cream and good food! Wait, I did that sort of eating the entire weekend already.

The good news?

I weighed in at 199.5 on Friday! I'M FINALLY UNDER 200!!! Granted it's only a half pound under and I probably put it back on over the weekend but I don't care! I got to my goal by my birthday! I'm so excited.

My goal was to get under 200 by today and then I could start on a new running program. In order to do that I had to get new shoes, which my daddy bought me on Friday afternoon for my present. I'm so excited!

Just a side note: if you are anywhere near Columbus and you need to get a new pair of exercise shoes that actually fit you the way they should, go to Front Runner. The guy made me walk with no shoes on with my pant legs rolled up (thank goodness I shaved that day!) and assessed my arches, strike pattern, etc. He also saw that I should be wearing a 9 1/2 as opposed to the 8 1/2 I've been cramming my feet into all these years. Three pairs later, I walked out with the perfect fit for me. I highly suggest getting fitted by a professional.

So, I'm sure I gained my weight back but I'm not standing on that scale again until this coming Friday. I plan on either getting back to the gym or walking my dog at least 3 times this week.

I'll be checking in with you all soon!

Chicken Parmapizza

2007-04-04T16:34:00.000-07:00

In my never-ending quest to find new and delicious ways to cook chicken breast, I tried something fun the other night. I'm sure this is not a new recipe to the world, but it was new to me and I'll make it again.

Chicken Parmapizza

Chicken Breast (however many you need)
Garlic Croutons
Fiber One cereal
Parmesan Cheese
Salt & Pepper
Low fat Mozzarella Cheese
Sandwich Pepperoni (or turkey pepperoni)
Egg & Milk mixture
Whole wheat spaghetti
Pasta sauce of your choice

Preheat oven to 350. In food processor, grind croutons and cereal together with parm cheese and salt & pepper. Set aside. With mallet, pound chicken so that it's one thickness. Place a few slices of pepperoni towards one end of chicken. Add about a 1/4 C of mozz cheese on top of pepperoni.

Gently roll up "stuffed" end of chicken and secure loss ends with toothpicks so that cheese doesn't ooze out. Dredge chicken in egg & milk mixture, then in crouton crumbs. Place chicken on cooking sheet and bake until no longer pink, approximately 20 minutes.

Serve with pasta and sauce. Enjoy!

Hint: I used shredded mozz when I made this but it's dusted with flour to keep it separated, so I had to wet my hands and mold it into a ball to get it to stick. Next time I'll get a ball of mozz or perhaps use some cheese sticks!

I also didn't use an egg mixture on mine and it stuck okay. Next time I'll use it.

If you're not used to cooking chicken and are constantly guessing if it's done, invest in a meat thermometer that sits on the counter. Saves time and headaches.

Take my Picture off that Milk Carton!

2007-04-04T15:34:00.000-07:00

No, I haven't vanished nor have I gained back all 16 pounds in one weekend. It's just been an incredibly busy last week and I haven't spent much time doing fun stuff on the computer. Work stuff, yes. Fun stuff, no.

Please accept my apologies for not posting and for not reading your blogs. Trust me, I'd much rather be doing both of those things than cleaning my house, losing money on gambling and doing actual work. I missed you guys!

I stayed the same weight last week but I'm not discouraged. I have walked each day this week at lunchtime, which was great Monday and Tuesday because the weather was absolutely gorgeous. Today the high was 44, which peaked at 8 am. Amazing what a day will do. I was sooooo cold today, but determined to finish my exercise. It made it all the more satisfying knowing that I stuck with it even though I was freezing.

I'm trying to mix it up when doing exercise outdoors. In addition to brisk walking, I might stop at a park bench and do some push ups and tri-cep dips. I'll do lunges and side kicks or arm rotations. Today I would step up on the bench with my right leg, then my left. Despite the cold temp, I was sweating. I felt good!

It's my birthday weekend, so I'm sure I'll indulge more than a bit. I'll try my hardest to even it out with some good exercise, though.

I'll try to catch up with you all tomorrow!

Random Thoughts

2007-03-29T06:20:00.000-07:00

In regards to the recipe yesterday, Karen commented that she had never tried any of the recipes using Fiber One cereal because of the fake sweetness. Truthfully, I don't know that I'd ever try just eating a bowl of this because it looks disgusting but I wanted to see what all the fuss was in regards to replacing bread crumbs with it.

I really didn't taste any sweetness in it but it's probably because I added my own spices, as I usually do. Whenever I do a recipe even remotely like this (one that calls for baking something breaded) I almost always add parmesan cheese. Gives it that "bite" I'm looking for, I guess. Along with whatever looks good in the spice rack that day, it usually turns out damned good. I served this to my entire family and everyone liked it and I'm anxious to see if you do too. Please, please, please, if you have a great recipe you want me to try or post, send it my way.

Also, butrfly, tilapia is a good fish because it's nice and mild. It takes on whatever spices you make with it, too. I've really only tried cooking salmon once and, while it was good, I'm a scaredy cat to try it again. I'll stick with the easy stuff until I become more confident.

Recipe advice and solicitation over.

This morning I had a bit of an epiphany. It's been over a week since I last went to the gym, mainly because it's been gorgeous out and I hate wasting time indoors when I could be wasting it outside. I knew I needed to get moving, though, so I set my alarm for 5 am. After spending half the night getting kicked in the side by the Princess (bad dream night) I was in no mood to get my ass moving that early.

I seriously almost talked myself out of exercising just so I could sleep another hour or two. I was having this conversation inside my head after spending much of the last week berating myself for making poor food decisions, sucking and tucking in front of the mirror and repeating many "if only" and "I wish" statements.

I got up, I got dressed and I took my spastic dog for a walk at 5:30am. It felt good, not too warm, not too cold. Do you know how many people are up at that hour? Some were exercising, some were getting ready for work. Many houses were dark. For 45 minutes I walked and did arm rotations and some lunges. I breathed in the cool morning air. I felt alive.

I got home before my husband awoke and started packing my son's lunch and putting together dinner for tonight. I had the radio on, the coffee brewing and the dishes done. I was awake and ready to take on the day. I remembered why I started this whole weight loss thing in the first place.

I was thinking of all you fellow MILFs while doing all of these things. Mainly I was thinking about how lately most of us have been in a negative state as opposed to the positive one that we need to achieve our goals.

Think about it: when you read each other's blogs and how we struggle each day, we're so quick to offer advice and support. Yet when you have a bad day, you immediately get down on yourself. You don't stop to say to yourself, "hey, it's okay. Who cares if you just ate 3 donuts? You'll get back to it tomorrow!"

So, cheer yourself on! Yes, there will be days when we continue to beat ourselves up but for the most part, let's remain positive! Take a cue from that video that Lotta and I posted.

WE ARE MILFS, HEAR US ROAR!!!!

Here Fishy Fishy

2007-03-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

I took some hints from Hungry Girl when I made some fish for dinner last night. To substitute greasy, battered foods for healthier ones, they often mention using Fiber One cereal for the coating. So I tried it last night and I'm here to tell ya it was wonderful.

"Fried" Fish

This recipe was a very "let's see what I have in the cupboard and throw it in there" sort of experiment so I won't have exact measures. Just do what you want.

2-3 pieces of cod or other white fish
1 - 1 1/2 C of fiber one cereal
Parmesan Cheese
Garlic Powder
Onion Powder
Salt & Pepper
Egg
Milk
2-3 T of margarine, melted ~or~ butter spray

Preheat oven to 350.

Place cereal, cheese, powders and s&p into a food processor or blender. Blend until the consistency of bread crumbs. Place onto a plate.

Combine one egg with a little milk in a shallow bowl. Coat fish with egg/milk mixture then dredge fish with cereal mixture making sure each side is thoroughly coated. Place on cookie sheet.

When all fish is on sheet, sprinkle with remaining cereal mixture and pour melted margarine over top. Place in oven and cook until fish is flaky in the middle.

Hints: The time it takes for cooking is going to depend on the thickness of your fish. Mine were about 3/4 inch thick and it took about 15-20 minutes.

I also use a stone cookie sheet. It eliminates the need to turn any foods during cooking. For meats, the general rule is the less "handling" the better.

To avoid getting crumbs all over, place topping mixture into a large plastic bag and give the meat a shake in there.

With this, I sauteed up some spinach and mixed in a 1/2 can of diced tomatoes (italian seasoned) and some parmesan. I topped it with low fat mozzarella and stuck it in the oven until the fish was done. I also had some yummy flavored noodles.

Experiment with your food!!!

Mirror, mirror, on the Wall...

2007-03-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago I posted about what I yearned for most in my body, one chin. But, while doing the body hoist in the mirror, I realized there are more things I'd like to eliminate than just chins #2 and #3.

Disclaimer: I'm not so unhappy with my body that I obsess over it. I'm pretty okay with having some fat here and there, actually. A man's gotta have something to grab onto, right?

Arm fat is one that of the features that I'd like to slowly melt itself off and give way to chiseled muscles. Ironically, I had the best arm muscles when I was the manager of an ice cream store. It was one of the frozen "slab" ice creameries where you get to pick out your fav flavor and fav toppings and mix them together. On hot summer days, I could scoop out and mix your ice cream in under a minute, sometimes shorter. I had guns, ladies.

My mid-section. Now, we all have guts, this I'm aware of. I just don't particularly like the fact that there is a pocket of fat that sits on top of my ass. My ass isn't too bad, actually. It's held it's shape on the bottom portion but the fat on top of it just kinda makes my back meld onto my ass. I'd like some curve there, please. Enough to play out that every romance book fantasy of having my husband's hand on "the small of my back."

Cankles. Although mine aren't all that bad, I still feel that I'd look much better without so much fattage around the ankles. Could be worse...I could have elephant legs. My best good friend says I have great legs so they can't be that bad.

That's not such a bad list is it? I left out my gut, why? I really don't know. It's there, it's flabby, blah blah blah. I guess it's because that I always felt I had a gut, even when I was skinny. I didn't, however, always have arm, ass or ankle fat.

Anyone have an exercise for cankles?

MILF Stall Out

2007-03-23T06:18:00.000-07:00

I am woman, hear me roar.

I am human, hear me whimper.

I don't know if the time change has had anything to do with it or what, but these past two weeks have been particularly challenging for me. Three weeks ago I was on my program of eating correctly and diligently going to the gym at least 3x a week and a walk or two with my dog.

The past two weeks have yielded a total of 2 visits and 3 walks. I've also relaxed my stance of "bad" food.

The results this week: 201.5. Last week was 200.5. I gained and it's really no surprise to me. I've stalled out. Not plateaued. No, a plateau would mean that I'm actually doing something to further my weight loss via exercise and eating right. I've dropped the ball on taking care of myself and it's showing.

It's okay, though. I'm maintaining a good attitude about having bad weeks and just jumping back on the bandwagon. Sure, there have been those old, evil thoughts of, "Eh, fuck it, who cares if I'm fat? I don't care, why should they care? I mean, seriously! Oooh, chips!" I won't let them continue though. I've looked myself in the eye (using a mirror...I tried just looking and after awhile my eyes hurt) and gave a great pep talk. One using words like, "can" and "powerful."

Using the same mirror, I also gave my body a good going over. I lifted my breasts to see how perky and pretty they're going to be. I sucked in my gut and pulled the fat tight to see how the belly is going to look. I even did an impersonation of Gwyneth. Cheekbones look fabulous on me, by the way.

So, today is the official "do-over." I've committed to food and exercise tracking. I will be checking in with all of you most every day (I say most because I rarely sit down in front of a computer on weekends) and will be cheering you on. Yes, fellow MILFs, I am redeeming myself. My new short term commitment is to be under 200 by April 9, my birthday. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am a shameless whore who is here to remind you to get shopping, people! There's only a few weeks left!

Now that this update is over, I'd like to know something: what rituals do you perform in the mirror?

I swam with my best friend's boyfriend because I'm cool like that.

2007-03-22T10:13:00.000-07:00

Another fun one from Anne (who has the same b-day as my bro, by the way)

Pick the month you were born. Pick the day (number) you were born. Pick the color of shirt you are wearing. Now type out the sentence you made using the answers below:

Pick the month you were born:

January----------I kicked

February--------I loved

March------------I punched

April---------------I swam with

May---------------I choked on

June---------------I murdered

July----------------I did the Macarena with

August-----------I had lunch with

September------I danced with

October----------I sang to

November-------I yelled at

December-------I ran over

Pick the day ( number) you were born on:

1----- --a birdbath

2-------a monster

3-------a phone

4-------a fork

5-------a Mexican

6-------a flamingo

7-------my cell phone

8-------my dog

9-------my best friends' boyfriend

10------my neighbor

11------my science teacher

12------a banana

13------a fireman

14------a stuffed animal

15------a goat

16------a pickle

17------a squirrel

18------a spoon

19------myself

20------a baseball bat

21------a ninja

22------a snowman

23------a noodle

24-- ----your mom

25------a football player

26------my sister

27------my brother

28------an ipod

29------a permanent marker

30------a llama

31------a zombie

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:

White----------because I'm very pretty.

Black----------because that's how I play.

Pink------------because I'm cool like that.

Red-------------because the voices told me to.

Blue------------because I can see the future.

Green----------because I love to boogie.

Purple----------because your mom's cool.

Gray------------because the voices in my head told me to.

Yellow---------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars

Orange---------because I tripped over my house

Brown----------because I love my pillow.

Other-----------because I'm a ninja.

None-----------because I cant control myself

And just for the record, I'm not really cool like that.

Recipe - Chicken Pot Pie

2007-03-20T11:16:00.000-07:00

What? A Recipe Post? Say it ain't so! Oh, but it is.

This is an incredibly easy and hearty meal that my son loves, loves, loves! Lots of veggies and protein!

Chicken Pot Pie

1 bag of frozen mixed vegetables
1 1/2 Cups (or 1 can) white and dark meat chicken (again with my roasted chicken leftovers!)
1 can of reduced fat cream of chicken soup
1 can of reduced fat crescent rolls

Preheat oven to 350.
Nuke the vegetables until they're warm. Mix in chicken and soup. Pour mixture into 8"x8" pan and put into oven for about 10 minutes or warm to touch.
Layer rolls over pot pie mixture and bake according to package instructions. Remove once rolls are nice and brown. Let sit for 5 minutes.

Yumalicious, I tell ya!

Hint: If you don't get the mixture warmed up before putting on the rolls, you'll end up with browned rolls on top and gooey underneath. Not a good taste.

To Brain, with Love

2007-03-20T10:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Brain,

Hi there! This is your old pal Legs. I've, uh, been elected by all of the other body parts to have a talk with you. I guess because I've got pretty big muscles and all that.

Before we start I want you to know that I realize that, without you, we wouldn't even be able to have this discussion. That being said, I would like to start with "What the fuck are you thinking???"

I mean, seriously, we've all talked amongst ourselves (while you were sleeping, obviously) and we've all come to the conclusion that while we are more than willing to do the work, you've got to help out too. I scream and piss and moan when "she" decides to do that damned elliptical, but I know that you've helped her make that decision. I suck it up and do my job. Even when you make Hands press the up arrow to add more time. Hips are hurting today but they know it's all about the end product, baby. Back, oh don't get me started on Back. That poor thing is so worn out from lugging around Boobs that she barely makes it through the day.

I just want to establish that most of us are ready, willing and able to help out with the overall health of the Body. I say most because Mouth, well Mouth likey the sweet and greasy stuff a little too much, ya know? But even Mouth is willing to try new things.

So why, oh why, are you trying to sabotage our efforts? It's obvious that you are "in charge" and that we can do nothing without your say-so. But, you've got an entire Body here to work with and you're the one fucking it up. Let me give you some examples, m'kay?

When faced with a delicious looking cake, make me take Body back to the work desk. Don't make Hands pick up a knife, slice a piece and then feed the cake to Mouth.
Puhleeze close Eyes when those commercials with savory looking food come on the television late at night.
Render Ears deaf when someone starts to talk about pizza
I know this one is not really your fault, but could you please do something about helping us all catch up with Daylight Savings? Thanks.
You made the decision to turn on the alarm clock set to ungodly hour of 5am in order to go to the gym. Why change your 'mind' when it goes off? Make us MOVE!
Get a little workout of your own, Brain, by getting back on sparkpeople, reading other MILFs blogs and updating ours! We lost a pound last week, but didn't report it! Why? Are you that lazy? Apparently so because you were supposed to do an MP3 Monday and lookie here, it's Tuesday!
Ass is getting pretty fed up with the growing problem. 'Nuf said.
Mouth will never, ever commit to not eating unhealthy food. You have to make it at least think that it will be satisfied with other types.
Are you depressed? In need of some chemical happiness? Why all the alcoholic beverages lately? Don't give me that crap about birthdays and an Irish holiday...we're Heinz 57 for chrissakes! Blarney!

I think this list is enough for now. I will continue to be faithful in all that you ask. I think most of us will, save for Mouth, but she's a bitch. Please, please work with us on resolving this matter.

Yours in Healthiness,

Muscles, bones, appendages, etc.

A Human League Moment

2007-03-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

I wonder if guys look at guys the same way we look at other women. Not in a sexual way but rather in a curious/envious/obsessive sort of way.

"I wonder what it must be like to fit her hips into jeans the way she does."

"Damn, I wish I had a rack like hers...all perky and shit!"

"Another chick with perfect hair and a gorgeous smile? Fuck me!"

There are two main things that I look at while glancing a woman up and down. Oh sure, I look at the clothes and hair and all the accessories, but these two things I zone in on.

The boobs. I can't help it. I'm extremely endowed and I go from, "ooooh, I want her cute lil boobies!" to "Jaheezus! At least I'm not that big!" In the latter case, I usually am that big...I just choose to overlook it.

The second thing is the chin. Oh, how I long for a singular chin. These women whose faces stop at that first one. Mine sort of melts into my neck fat. I envy those of you who can take a picture of yourself and not have that roll of skin showing. I've tried looking down, looking up, looking coyly to the side...all to no avail. That damned extra chin is always there, mocking me.

What really pisses me off is when you see a woman who is clearly bigger than you are and she has a chin. One. I can't stand it. I want her gobbler dangling just like mine is! It's a little strange, this chin obsession. What I should be worrying about is the pouch of fat surrounding my middle or the way I have Fred Flintstone feet, but no. It's all about the chin.

How about you? What's your focal point?

MP3 Monday (late again!)

2007-03-13T06:03:00.000-07:00

Seeing as how I was running incredibly late for work yesterday, I forgot my player at home. I give you my MP3 Monday list today:

Scared of You - Nelly Furtado
Gangsta Trippin - Fatboy Slim
Hey Jack Kerouac - 10,000 Maniacs
Wonderful Life - Gwen Stefani
Let the Fire Burn - Congo Natty
U Started It - Gwen Stefani
Chop Suey - System of a Down
Stupify - Disturbed
Not My Idea - Garbage
Special - Janet Jackson

Keep posting your lists. If you want any of my songs or vice versa, perhaps we could email them to one another. I need some Britney songs if anyone has them. I know, no comments please.

P.S. KimmyK I also have a hard time getting past Gwen's "look" but I try to concentrate on the song. Ditto for Fergie...all I see is her in that stupid workout outfit in that one video.

A Swapper Lifestyle

2007-03-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

Hooray for the perverts! You found a site that will do absolutely nothing for you!

Anyway, since we've swapped some recipes (I need to get some more on here soon, I promise!) I was thinking of all the poor clothes that will soon be hanging in our closets. Bearing sizes that were once tight and now loose, they will long for a new owner. We, having bodies that we haven't seen in years, will want new clothes but will not want to spend high dollars. Especially if we are out of our old clothes but not quite to our goal weight.

I propose a clothing swap and/or sale. We can keep the prices under $5 (plus shipping) and may be able to get some gently used, awesome clothing for our new look. I personally have some brand new clothes that I got for Christmas that don't fit anymore but I'm still wearing because I don't want to buy stuff for my "in between" stage. I'm stuck with tugging up my pants and looking a bit frumpy in my blouses.

Is anyone interested in this? We could treat it just like those bidding sites, only we don't give away the money in "fees." If we get enough interested, we could probably set it up so that all money goes to a charity. Tuesdays could be dubbed as Trader Tuesdays. I don't know...my brain is in overload. Please let me know if this is a good or bad idea.

There are Muscles There?

2007-03-10T11:38:00.000-08:00

Just a tip:

If you really want to get your ass kicked at the gym, jump on the elliptical machine and choose the workout option, "Personal Trainer." Then decide that you are she-woman (hear me roar!) and choose level 12 out of 25. Finally, choose to do this program for 45 minutes.

You'll sweat out all the alcohol from the past year. But at least you walk away from it knowing you CAN do it.

MILF Update 3/9/07

2007-03-09T06:18:00.000-08:00

Though it's been a bad week for me, I was okay with gaining some weight. I stepped on the scale a few days ago and was up 2-3 pounds, but today it was only 1/2 pound. So, I gained. But less than a pound. Things I will accomplish this week:

I'll go to the grocery store tonight and buy healthy things.

I'll go to the gym tomorrow morning and kick my own ass. I will also go Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday.

I will drink at least 8 glasses of water and take my vitamin.

I will give away the 4 remaining chocolate bars left over from my son's fundraiser.

I'll still enjoy my cup of coffee. I don't think it will affect me much.

Aunt Flo is here, but at least PMS is gone.

One last thing...the guy who always brings the treats in on Fridays brought me a creme de fleur from Au Bon Pain today. Check out the nutritionals. I asked my co-worker to put it underneath her desk so I wouldn't have to look at it. If I sat it on my desk, even if it's in the box, I would give in and eat it. I consider this a little victory. But, it's only 9:30...a whole work day ahead of me. I can do this.

Starting weight: 217
Current weight: 201.5
Total lost: 15.5

Only 2 more pounds til I'm into the 100s!!! I can totally do that this week.

How'd my girls do???

Riding the Rollercoaster with my Hands Up

2007-03-08T06:46:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about the emotional vomit that I had yesterday. In addition to obvious PMS symptoms, there were other things that contributed to it.

I wasn't drinking enough water. This is a tough one for me because I'm not a naturally "thirsty" person. I seriously have to force myself to take a drink after every bite of food or I'll never reach the minimum amount of water recommended.
I kept forgetting to take my vitamin. Again, tough for me because I get all gaggy when I think of swallowing a horse pill and I really have to psych myself up for it. If I don't take it right after my breakfast, I forget. I have had the same bottle of vitamins for over a year. They expire in April.
I started having a cup of coffee every day. I hadn't had one in over 3 weeks.
I had ALOT of alcohol this weekend.
I had ALOT of sweets this whole week.
Because of numbers 4 & 5, I had alot more cravings. Cravings I didn't choose to ignore.
I only made it to the gym twice last week.

So, those are alot of factors adding up to feelings of failure and lethargy and general gloominess.

I've been stressed about money...for those of you moms and dads who work outside of the home, how are you going to deal with the cost of day care this summer? Between child care for a 2 year old and day camp for an 8 year old, we're looking at a minimum of $1200/month!

The money thing leads to me thinking about going back to school and how I can't afford it but in order for me to make more money, I have to get a higher education. What a vicious, angry circle.

I'm driving my family nuts by going around turning off lights in order to save on the electric bill. I've dubbed myself the "Energy Nazi." I balked yesterday when we got a notice in the mail that said our water/sewer bill would be going up...by $4-6 dollars per month. Why am I stressing over such a little change?

My husband told me last night that the reason he was so quiet was that because everything that came out of his mouth was wrong...so he just stayed quiet.

I'm going to turn this around this week. How? Three things: I've realized what my triggers are so I've acknowledged them. It's going to be warmer out this week so I know I'll be able to get out in the fresh air. Finally, your nice thoughts and comments. I know you know what I mean when I say they really mean the world to me. I was so hesitant to post my feelings yesterday but somehow I knew I'd get some positive thoughts. We all need them from time to time, we can't always be strong. We depend on each other, our "sisters" or "partners in crime" (that's for you G-Man) to lift us up when it's needed the most.

So, when/if you have a bad week, post away...cuz I'll be right there, fingers ready to type out the most uplifting, positive reassurance I can. It's what you'd do for me.

Weak Week

2007-03-07T11:34:00.000-08:00

I've struggled this past week, with more than just food. It's been hard to maintain a cheery, sunny outlook. I've been hyper sensitive to how others are feeling. These sad feelings creep into my heart and soul and gut. They don't let go once they've got ahold.

I look at my computer screen and fight the urge to just turn it off. I want to read your blogs, hear how you're doing, get a laugh (or tear) out of each of you, but it's just more difficult to do right now. I read them and want to comment, but sometimes I just don't. I've skipped out on tracking my food once or twice this week, as well as one of my exercise days.

I have several factors I could make accountable for this: 1) The binging I did this weekend, 2) the amount of sugar I've had and 3) I started my period today.

I've always hated blaming stuff for the way I'm feeling, but it has to be something, right?

I guess I'm asking for some uplifting thoughts from you all...I really need them right now.

MP3 Monday (Tuesday edition)

2007-03-06T07:52:00.000-08:00

Gah! Here I thought I was starting a new revolution that would change our lives forever by putting our MP3 players on random and posting the first 10 songs that come up and I...forgot.

So, I bring you my first random selections. If you like any of these, I might be able to figure out how to send them to you.

Now That You Got It - Gwen Stefani
Bombtrack - Rage Against the Machine
You - Janet Jackson
Red Alert - Basement Jaxx
Glamorous - Fergie feat. Ludacris
Promiscuous Girl - Nelly Furtado
Counting Blue Cars - Dishwalla
Sleep to Dream - Fiona Apple
What About - Janet Jackson
History Repeating - Propellerheads

And those are my tracks for the week. I figure if I do this weekly some repeats are bound to come up. I also have a few whole albums that I uploaded so, as in the case of the Janet Jackson songs, I will probably have artist repeats.

Send me your favorite workout songs!!!

Big Slice Weigh In

2007-03-06T04:50:00.000-08:00

Jenny over at Big Slice is having a contest and, although this picture was taken yesterday morning at 7am, I didn't upload until now. I hope she trusts me.

No comments on the Fred Flintstone feet, please.

Prelude to a Hangover

2007-03-05T11:25:00.000-08:00

Ah, the weekend. Normally I don't do much of anything exciting, not during the winter anyway. I hang out with the kids, do 17 loads of laundry, fix meals, clean, etc. I try to stay consistent with my eating and exercising, though.

Well, this weekend I threw caution to the wind. I had choices to make and although they were bad ones, I still made them. I knew what I was doing, but I really felt that I needed a let down of some sort.

Friday I started when I met my mom and the rest of my family at Cheeseburger in Paradise. We were all celebrating my son's recent achievement, you see. I arrived to find that my husband had ordered me a drink called "Cheeseburger in Paradise". Can you say, yummmmmmmmmm. I think I may have hummed it because my lips were wrapped around it for about 4 minutes. (You're welcome, porn searchers!) Then came the crab cakes. Yes, fried crab cakes. God, they were good.

The next day I drove over and surprised my best friend for her birthday. By the way, I'll be posting the recipe for strawberry shortcake soon. She was surprised, blah blah blah. The story is actually a whole other post (stay tuned for details!) Anyway, I waited too long to eat and ended up stopping my Wendy's on my way home. Yeah. I will say that instead of my usual Spicy Chicken sandwich, I got a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger. Yeah, tons of calories saved, I'm sure.

Since I ate so late, I wasn't really in the mood for dinner which was good, right? What was not so good was that my SIL called to see if I wanted to go out. Need I answer? We started out at her friend's house, drinking disgustingly sweet "martinis" Ugh, but whatever, it was free. We then went up the street to a little bar where there was supposed to be karaoke. Seeing as how that was the whole point of us going there, the friend and her gang o' 10 women left. I've never been a bar hopper so the SIL and I stayed put. It was a cool little dive with not many people there. Besides, I'd already ordered my drink and it was only a 2 mile drive home.

I can't remember if it was 6, 7 or 8 SF Red Bulls with vodka. I lost count. The best part? They were free! Again, a whole other post. (I know, you're quivering with anticipation!)

Sundays I usually get up and work out. Um, not so much this Sunday morning. Seeing as how I did manage to drink a few glasses of water, take a vitamin and scarf down a turkey sandwich (with Miracle Whip, the total fat kind!) I wasn't feeling too badly.

Until I stood up. Yes, folks, I was still drunk. I know you know what I'm talking about. You roll over in bed, the room isn't spinning like it was last night and you smile. This is called a "delayed" hangover. One that doesn't start until mid morning, cuz that's when the alcohol wears off. The good thing was that the house was quiet, the bad thing was that the reason for this was the fact that I was up before anyone else was. Damn that internal clock!

I managed to eat "okay" the rest of the day. I'm soooo not beating myself up for this weekend, though. I'm not perfect, no wait, I am perfect but I have to tell you I'm not to make myself out to be so humble. Anyway, it happened, I'm over, I'm ready to get up tomorrow and work out.

And your weekend?

MILF Weigh In 3/2

2007-03-02T07:47:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so last week I weighed in at 204. I complained the whole week about how hard it has been, right? To balance out the munchies and the PMS, I tried to work extra hard in the gym and at home. Still, throughout the week the scale didn't budge much past a pound. I was good with that...as I tell everyone, "A loss is a loss."

Imagine my surprise when the scale read 201 this morning! I lost 3 freaking pounds!!! Unbelievable, I tell ya!

My recap:
Starting weight: 217
Goal weight: 180
Total lost so far: 16 pounds!!!

I am 2 pounds away from being under 200 pounds. I haven't been under that weight for over 8 years. My gift to myself? A new pair of running shoes.

I'm proud of myself. I've been working out and trying to eat much better. I beat myself up when I slip and I need to get out of that habit. I think we all do that, right? Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has a bad day...so what makes us come down on ourselves so much?

This morning, I was thinking about this and I kept coming back to the fact that I worry about how others view me. A few people in my office know I'm trying to lose weight and they are very supportive. The one guy who always brings us "treats" on Friday has scaled it down to help me out. This morning he arrived with a single sugar cookie, icing and all. I wolfed that thing down, I'm not kidding. I tried to savor it, taste every bite, but it was goooood! But, I kept thinking about the one girl (she's no longer here) who knew about my efforts. If she saw me eating that cookie, would she have said something along the lines of, "I thought you were trying to lose weight?" Would she have just shaken her head and kept her thoughts inside? I don't know and I'd like to say I don't care, but it still bothered me.

I have been guilty in the past of watching bigger people eat and wondering why they don't just slow down. When I say, "bigger" I mean "big" big. Before I gained all of my weight, I would be disgusted with them...seriously, you look gross shoveling that food in the way you do. Now I realize that, for the most part, they're struggling with both an addiction and possibly the way they feel about themselves. If I'm wondering how people view me, how must they feel? It's got to be tough.

I wish we could all just be concerned with our own selves, but it's never going to be that way. When the collective MILFs lose the weight we've said we are going to, we will probably look at "fat" people one of two ways:
1) We'll want to help them. If we did it, so can they.
2) We'll be disgusted that we ever looked like that and wonder 'why don't they help themselves? ' If we did it, so can they.
Please correct me if I'm wrong.

So, I'll keep on trucking towards that goal weight. Once I reach it, maybe I'll make another goal for myself. Maybe I'll be completely happy. I won't know until I get there. One thing I do hope for is that freedom from giving a shit about what someone thinks about me. That? Would be the ultimate loss.

MILF Weigh In Eve

2007-03-01T07:49:00.000-08:00

It's Thursday. Tomorrow morning I will step on the scale. This week, by far, has been the most trying for me. I've given into temptation more times that I care to admit. I shouldn't be so hard on myself...I didn't do McD's or a large chocolate shake with fudge on top or any chips.

It was just a hard week overall.

Thanks for supporting me, though...you all have been there just like me. You sensed that this was a trying time for me and lifted me up and through it. So, thank you again.

On a lighter note, I'm going to start something new on Monday for our MILFness. MP3 Mondays. Put your MP3 on random and type in the first 10 songs that come up. Some weeks may be repeats and some of you might not have players, but it will give us all new ideas on some kick ass songs to shake our collective booties along with.

Tomorrow...weigh in! I want to hear bright and early how everyone did!

Chicken Burritos

2007-02-27T07:26:00.000-08:00

It's no surprise to anyone that I love me some Chipotle. I'm salivating right now just thinking about it, but I digress.

I found this recipe somewhere, I think sparkpeople? I'm not sure who to give the props to, but I'm here to pass it along to you. I tried it yesterday and it's a "two-fer" meaning easy and belishus. Oh, and I followed the directions...yay for me!

Easy Chicken Burritos

3 frozen chicken breasts
1 jar of salsa, whatever heat you want
1 can Bush's black beans
1 can corn
whole wheat tortillas
reduced fat shredded mexican blend cheese
reduced fat sour cream

In a crock pot, place chicken breasts on bottom, then pour in salsa, beans and corn. Stir to distribute evenly. Cook on low for 8-9 hours.
Once done cooking, take forks and shred chicken. Mix all ingredients. Serve inside tortillas with cheese and sour cream.

Tip: Although soooo good, mine did come out a bit watery. I just tried to squeeze out as much liquid as possible.

The Monday Blahs

2007-02-26T12:33:00.000-08:00

It's an emotional day today. I had a little meltdown earlier that coincided with my boss coming back from a 2 week vacation that resulted in tears. But hey, at least I get to whore out my non-weight-loss blog.

Just wanted to share with you that I made one of the worst tasting recipes evah last night. I frequently watch Food Network (what food skeezah doesn't?) and I saw an awesome recipe on Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee. I decided to go a little crazy and make this. The problems lie in:

1) I wanted to make it with preserves that were sugar free. They didn't have apricot-pineapple so I mistakenly picked up orange marmalade. Eh, it'll be okay...just more "citrusy." I threw in some crushed pineapple.

2) I don't think I broiled them long enough.

3) I didn't print off the recipe because it looked pretty friggin' easy, right?

4) I forgot the ketchup.

5) I substituted chile powder and cayenne. I did put in jalapenos, though.

What resulted was a rubbery, orangey chicken wing with skin that was not at all crispy and didn't look a bit like the picture. I wonder why?

But, I ate it dammit. Why? Because I paid for that stuff, that's why! I can't let money go to waste! I can't believe I wasted all those calories on something that tasted horrible. So, I later drown my sorrows in a chocolate bar.

I feel incredibly sucky today.

MILF Weigh In 2/23/07

2007-02-23T06:56:00.000-08:00

Stepped on the scale this morning: 204. Down another pound! I'm now even with what sparkpeople said I should be at this time. The first week I lost 5, then 3, then 2, then a pound each week.

Disappointed at first with just a pound, but I shouldn't be. I'm working at this and although I faltered a bit this week, I still lost a pound.

Total lost since Jan 11, 2007 - 13 lbs!

How about my other MILFs? How'd you do?

Ups and Downs

2007-02-22T09:22:00.000-08:00

I started this particular blog to deal with my long time issue of being overweight. I found out about the MILFs through Mrs. Chicken and quickly jumped on board.

I haven't always been overweight. Pictures of me when I was young showed a gangly, skinny thing with a bob haircut. Not one of those cute ones, though. I grew upward, but never outward. I played sports and although I weighed 170 in high school, my body fat came in at 7%. I'm not kidding. I was a muscular thing.

Then stuff started happening. You know, like drinking and eating Toxic Hell at 3am. Or perhaps a Barnyard Buster. Nothing says, "Hey I'm completely shit faced!" like shoveling eggs, sausage and hash browns covered in gravy into your face with complete abandon. Let's not also forget the munchies brought on by certain herbage. Nothing was off limits when that occurred. I mean it. Chocolate cake scooped up with peanut butter? Why not? No matter that you just ate an entire pizza an hour ago. And God help anyone if there's pizza left over.

Along came the joy of pregnancy. The thoughts of eating whatever you want, whenever you want because, "dammit, I'm pregnant and eating for two!" have become your new mantra. If only you'd heeded the warnings of mothers everywhere who told you it'd be hard to take off.

Then, of course, comes age. Combine that bitch with a busy schedule full of work, sports practices and damn good tv shows and you've got a recipe for dimpled ass cheeks and a gut that makes Kellogg's Special K "If you can pinch an inch" ad writers die of your heart attack.

I don't have to tell you that this weight loss stuff is hard. It's hard to get up and exercise when that couch is so comfy. I mean, seriously? Mine calls my name constantly. I finally had to shut it up by stuffing pillows into it. It's hard to put down that bag of chips cuz as Lay's says, "You can't eat just one!" Bag in my case.

I've tried to lose weight in the past. Wait, strike that. I didn't try at all, honestly. No, instead of looking at what I was eating or trying to exercise, I would buy whatever the latest and greatest pills were.

Or perhaps try that new breathing "technique" (find a dark place to relax, breathe in through your nose and hold for 30 seconds, exhale through your mouth, repeat for 5 minutes...eh, isn't this called meditating? besides, I'm doing this on my lunch break so where's my damn hamburger?)

Oooh, the best one? I bought a spray that you're supposed to administer to the insides of your cheeks (of your mouth, not ass) and it would kill your appetite. After a few days of this I decided this "miracle" tasted exactly like Chloraseptic and nixed it.

My husband and I have even had little contests of who would lose the most weight percentage. I tried the goal of a) having one whole day to yourself during which you could do whatever you wanted and not be held accountable for it and b) for every pound lost, you got $10. Who wouldn't go for those goals? Not us, apparently. Chinese food proved much too desirable.

So, yeah. It's tough. This group, along with sparkpeople, has really helped me. I mean that in a really, really, really kind of way. Why? Because I've held myself accountable to not only myself but to you. I've told you that I'm on a mission to lose weight. I told you I would weigh in every Friday and tell you how I've done. I've promised you that I would support you in your effort too.

Butrfly commented that she essentially dropped the ball on her efforts and was afraid to post her results. She was embarrassed. Chicky, don't ever be embarrassed in front of us. I mean, I can't talk for everyone, but I'm just a woman who brings her own dinner roll to every meal in the form of my gut. I struggle just like you. I am constantly aware of what I'm eating and I'm over feeling guilty about it. How can I feel guilty if I'm doing the right thing?

Never be ashamed of who you are, fat ass or not. If you have a bad day (week?) suck it up and post it. We all know what it's like! If you're not willing to kick yourself in the ass, maybe you need one of us to do it! We're not supposed to beat our children, so that makes us more than happy to do it to you!

This final note: my co-worker, that bitch, brought in a box of chocolates today...arrrrgh!!!

I'm shameless

2007-02-21T11:24:00.000-08:00

So, normally I wouldn't press upon you my other blog, but I just have to this time. Please go read this post.

And how a cave to a crave leads to Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

2007-02-20T06:42:00.000-08:00

My day yesterday was rough. Rough. I thought I'd have an easy one, seeing as how there were only two guys in the office, but nooooooo. I got my ass kicked! Needless to say, I was in serious need of downtime and some sort of stress relief when I got home.

With no wine in the house, I could not turn to alcohol. No chips, no cheese n crackers, nothing. I turned to the baking cabinet. Cake is my favorite, but that would entail baking it then allowing it to cool enough to frost it. Brownies. Gooey, chocolaty brownies. My husband walked in the kitchen as I clutched that box of brownie mix to my chest.

"What are you doing?" he asked with a smile.

"I just need some brownies!" I said as I burst into tears.

He held me in his arms as I wet his shoulders. "Then make some brownies," he said gently.

Baking and cooking have always been ways to relax for me. I get all caught up in mixing and kneading and watching raw materials come together to make something wonderful and delicious. Even though all this baking required was mixing up a package of dry brown stuff with a couple of eggs and oil and water, it soon calmed me.

As I poured the batter into the greased 8x8 pan, I thought of the past and how I would normally have kept about 2 brownies worth of batter to eat by myself. I wouldn't let the rest of the family know I was doing this for fear that they'd want some, too. I mean, after all, I was the one slaving over the oven making them these goodies...why shouldn't I get my own personal treat? This time, however, I kept about a tablespoon out.

Honestly, it wasn't as great as what I'd remembered.

Because I diligently read the nutritional label, I knew that one brownie (approx 1/20th of the mix or a 1" brownie) would be 110 calories. They had to cook for 30 minutes so I decided to take a walk during this time.

My husband took them out and they were cooling when I got home. Warm brownies are the best, aren't they? I cut some up and each of us got one small brownie. It was enough. It really was. I don't think that you should deny yourself all the time. If you do, this new way of life becomes a punishment rather than an ongoing reward.

My mindset has become one of: I just walked for 30 minutes to be able to eat this small brownie. Is that really worth it? Yes, I love me some french fries and quesadillas and ooey gooey scrumptious...uh, you get the idea. But that love raised my weight to 217 lbs! Would I do this same thing to someone I loved? Would I feed my toddler nothing but crap just because I knew she liked it? Would I put her health at risk? Hell no, I wouldn't! So why am I doing it to myself?

I have to look at life realistically now. I can no longer reason that gee, I'm okay, because I mean...look at her over there...she's way fatter than I am. Or, who cares if I eat this Big Mac with Supersize fries? It's my life, dammit, and I'll eat what I want! Even this classic: seriously, it's just 300 more calories...there's no harm in that!

I even left a comment over at HealthyMummy today about this topic. There is a club here in town that hosts BBW night. My bff and I discovered it and, being the hefty girls that we are, quickly grew to love it. Why? For one, everyone was so accepting there: with the exception of some, the chicks were all friendly and the guys were generous with the drinks. Secondly, I was the skinny one there! Size 18, 217 lbs and I was skinny! I soon started thinking I could eat anything and still be okay because shit, there were some big girls in there and they were just fine. Plus I had a ways to go to catch up to them.

Please understand, I'm not cutting on these women. Most of them were beautiful, had killer clothes and were just plain nice and funny. But I can't help but wonder how long their hearts and other organs will hold out.

I can't do that to my family. I can't be selfish with my food/exercise choices. It's so strange to think that I want to live long enough to see my grand babies, but I do. I'm 34 years old and have never traveled overseas. I've never jumped out of a plane. For that matter, my ass is barely fitting in the seat of a plane. So, yeah, my lifestyle needed to change.

Oh, and a little tip: if you do decide to splurge and make brownies, add a little instant coffee to the mix to make "espresso" brownies. Just don't eat one at 8:00 pm. Cuz then you're up all friggin night and that just sucks.

Support - More than just Pantyhose

2007-02-19T06:21:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure about you, but the weekends are tough for me. You would think with me having a desk job where I sit on my ass all day I'd find the weekdays harder, but not so. Even though I run my ass off doing all the housework that didn't get done during the week or taking the Boy to hockey or showing up at some kid's birthday party, I still find myself struggling with better food choices.

I've effectively managed to get most of the junk out of my house. With the exception of some cake mixes, there are no sweets and absolutely no chips. Snacking without healthy food is no longer an issue for the most part. What is an issue is that I wait too long between meals to eat and I end up snacking on the foods that are left that aren't so healthy.

During the week I am on a totally robotic schedule. Wake at 7, get the baby dressed and ready to go. She likes to eat at her sitter's with the rest of the kids, so no problem there. By 8, Daddy and the baby are off. I finish getting ready, make sure the Boy is dressed with all clothing where it's supposed to be and backpack and coat by the door. With 20 minutes left, I pour myself a bowl of Special K with Berries and skim milk and watch the Today show. At work by 9, snack at 10:30, lunch at 12:00, snack at 2:30, home by 6, dinner on the table (usually) by 6:30. Bedtimes at 8 and I'm usually in bed by 10 (sometimes earlier!)

My schedule gets totally fried on the weekends. See, I'm a morning person. I can no longer hang with the night time crowd, for the most part. I like to get up and get moving! I want to get that laundry started, dishes done, dusting wiped, floors cleaned, etc. so that I don't have to spend all friggin' day doing it. I don't want to stop to eat cereal. So, around 10:30, my sugar is bottoming out and I'm dragging. By this time, I wolf down that bowl, barely tasting it.

I get started on housework again, goinggoinggoing, until I realize shit! It's 3:00! Okay, well ya gotta eat lunch so I start putting stuff together but I'm so hungry by this time I'm munching on anything I can get my hands on. Yesterday it was horseradish cheese and crackers. Yum. Not so yum on the calorie meter. Yeah, so if you're eating lunch this late in the day, think you're going to be hungry for a well-balanced meal? No, you get hungry after the kiddies are in bed and the only thing you feel like making is a cheese filled quesadilla that you can dip in creamy yummy ranch dressing.

Complete bullshit, I tell ya.

With all of this going on, I couldn't help but think of this support group that we've formed, us MILFs. With you gals, I can do anything. I feel like even if I completely screw up or if I have a particularly bad week, you have my back. I love reading your blogs, too. I want to see how you're progressing and cheer you on for the same reasons you're cheering me on. We all want to see each other succeed. So, yerdoingitwrong, 1girl2boys, chaosamongus, mamamaven, mayleebeezir, mom on a mission, julie, kimmyk, katrina, esmerelda, jules, jakelliesmom, healthymummy (what is your blog???) chicken and cheese, miller mayhem and mom-o-matic I thank you. I thank you for reading this random blog and for helping me with my food demon that has haunted me for years. I thank you for being words on a computer screen that bring a smile to my face when I'm beating myself up. You all, whether it's through this common thread that we have or through your life's adventures, make me a better person. I get to see that I'm not going crazy when I'm faced with what I think is a unique problem...or if I am in a weird predicament, you all know just what to say.

So, yeah, I'm really glad I found this new way of life. It was what I needed. As we all grow older, most of us lose friends from the past in the name of family or just plain growing apart. It's always nice to find new friends...ones who could give a shit less about who you've dated, who you've slept with or what you've done in the past. They only know the "now" you. The you that is comfortable with yourself or if not, the you that can be yourself in this vast world wide web. I am amongst friends here, ones who don't judge.

It's a bonus, really. Not only do I get to "meet" awesome new friends, I am losing weight too. Honestly, I couldn't do it without you. Thank you.

MILF Update

2007-02-16T06:53:00.001-08:00

Okay, so this week was the same as far as exercise is concerned. I still went ice skating on Saturday, I still got my lazy ass up at 5 am on Tuesday and Thursday and worked out and I still pushed myself.

But...

I cheated a lot this week in the food department. No. That's not right. I didn't cheat alot, but to me it was alot. I didn't binge on anything or eat McD's or stuff myself with Oreos. I did, however, dip into the Valentine's candy and cookies a few times. I ate some bite sized Snickers (2), I had some sugar cookies (3 over 2 days) and I indulged in 1/2 a candy bar just about every day. I didn't drink as much water, either.

In my mind, I prepared for an even weigh in. I'd also expected either a slight gain or loss. I was somewhat okay with any of these.

I lost one pound.

Am I jumping for joy and giving myself black eyes? No, but I'm not beating myself up either. I had an off week. I gave in to temptation. But you know what? I'd rather have had those little bits and pieces of yumminess than to still be thinking about them today. All day.

So, a pound is a pound. I'm proud of what I'm doing. My total goal is 37 pounds. I've lost 12 so far so I'm over a third of the way there.

Oh, one more thing: I've decided that when I reach 199 (which I haven't seen in over 8 years) I'm going to treat myself to an expensive pair of running shoes...ones which are fitted by a professional. Why? I want to start this with my husband. He's already at week 5 and tomorrow will run for 20 minutes straight. This is the same man who, at the beginning of the year, would get winded if he tried to run for even a minute. He's inspiring me.

So, yerdoingitwrong, I"ll be doing a 5K soon. And if it were me doing that 3 day thing you're doing, I'd totally stay in the tents. Ya big pansy!

How did everyone do???

Hashbrown Surprise!

2007-02-16T06:48:00.000-08:00

Katrina sent us what looks like an easy weeknight dinner:

1 bag Ore Ida O'Brien Hasbrowns (16 oz., frozen)
4 cans fat free chicken broth
1 pkg. McCormick Country Gravy Mix

Spray pan with Pam. Saute potatoes 10 minutes, stirring gently.Add broth and bring to a boil. Prepare gravy mix according to pkg. directions.Add to potatoes and broth. Simmer 20-30 minutes.

SERVING SIZE: 1 cup soup

POINTS: 2

Tips: She said to just throw it all in a crockpot so that it's ready for dinner that night. Sounds good enough to me!

She also said it came out a bit too thin for her taste. I say just add a bit of flour to the liquid and it should come out thicker. She mentioned adding some onions and bell pepper. Get those veggies in!

Shrimp and Broccoli Salad

2007-02-14T13:52:00.000-08:00

I gotta tell you girls, I'm digging this recipe swap thing cuz I'm getting some gooood dinner and snack ideas!

Yerdoingitwrong has given us the latest and greatest and says, "This is pretty lo-cal and very tasty. I use half the dressing. Go look at her plump and squishy little boy...man, is he a cutie!

SHRIMP AND BROCCOLI SALAD

1 lb. cooked bay shrimp
1 head fresh broccoli, washed & cut into bite-sized pieces
1 can black olives
1 lb. fresh mushrooms, cleaned
1 pkg. Good Seasons Italian salad dressing, made as directed on package
1 tsp. lemon pepper

Mix ingredients together with just enough salad dressing to coat broccoli and shrimp. Refrigerate 3-4 hours, stirring occasionally.

Serves 6-8 people.

Chicken Fiesta Soup

2007-02-13T07:49:00.000-08:00

Katrina over at Dunno Island was kind enough to share her hubby's fav recipe for soup. I'm glad she did because now I have something to make this weekend! My only question: what are ranch style beans?

When you're done printing this, go over and check out her Ode entry. We all need to read it.

Chicken Fiesta Soup

32 oz. Fat Free Chicken Broth
2 Cans Corn or 2 Cans of Hominy undrained (which ever you prefer)
1 Can Rotel (original kind, with chilies)
1 Can Ranch Style Beans
1 Can Green Chilies
1 Can Stewed Tomatoes
2 Chicken Bullion Cubes
8 oz. Velveeta Light Cheese
10 oz. Can White Chicken (97% fat free)

Directions:Place all ingredients, except cheese, in a large soup pan. When mixture is hot, add the cheese (which is cut in cubes). Stir until cheese melts.

WW: 1 point per cup!!

Visitation, Boobs and a Request

2007-02-13T07:05:00.000-08:00

Aunt Flo is here. She selfishly brought her two friends with her: Mrs. Bloatbelly and Ms. Gluttonous. Ms. Gluttonous is thrice divorced...seems her husbands got sick of her hogging all the goodies in the house.

Boobs. I'm constantly aware of mine, seeing as how I'm a K cup! I'm not even a frickin' "dancer" for chrissakes! Perhaps if I didn't have the gut that I do I could earn some money with them, but noooooooo...I had to have the cake, chips and side o' beef. I've always been well endowed, even at 12. I think I did too many "I must, I must, I must increase my bust!" chants cuz it worked. Overtime.

The girls have served me well over the years, providing me with many free drinks and lots of lustful stares. Fodder for both jokes and great foreplay, they've lived a lifetime already. But, their time has passed. As they slide not-so-gracefully further and further south, I've decided to do something about them. Although I'll miss the shelter they've provided for my ever expanding gut, I won't miss the ugly bras or the button down shirts that streeetttch to fit over them. I will say good-bye to aching shoulders and (once sought after) stares.

I have lost 11 lbs. I have to lose 16 more to become eligible for a reduction surgery. I think this is ridiculous, but whatever. It provides more motivation, I assume. I figure once I lose the boobage, I"ll lose an additional 5 or so lbs. I'm not kidding. These funbags are heavy.

Who's sending me my first VS bra??? I'll send you something if you reach your goal!

Cheesy Cracker

2007-02-12T13:25:00.000-08:00

Butterfly In Disguise sent me this easy little snack...definitely good for the cheesy, salty cravings and easy, too! Go thank her by visiting her site...girly, you gotta teach me how to make my blog cool looking like yours!

Cut a slice of american cheese into tiny squares.
Microwave on parchment paper till lightly browned.
It ends up as a cracker. Sort of.

She says she loves them and I bet I will, too!!!

Mexican Chicken Casserole Part Deux

2007-02-09T11:29:00.000-08:00

Jen gave me this recipe, also looking very yummy. It's a WW version so should be somewhat friendly to us MILFs. Points and nutritionals are added.

Smothered Chicken with Pierogies

1 dozen frozen potato and cheddar cheese pierogies
1 can (10 ¾ oz) lowfat cream of chicken soup
1 can (4 oz) sliced mushrooms, drained
1 cup frozen peas
2 cups cubed or shredded cooked chicken

Preheat oven to 350*.
Spray a 2 quart casserole with nonstick coating.
Thaw pierogies in boiling water for 5 minutes, drain and place in the casserole dish.
In a large saucepan, combine soup, mushrooms, peas, and chicken. Cook, stirring, about 5 minutes or until heated through. Pour over pierogies. Bake 15 minutes.

Serves 4
PER SERVING
Calories 382
Fat 7
Protein 32
Fiber 5
Sodium 1045
Carbohydrates 48
WW points 7

Mexican Chicken Casserole

2007-02-09T10:47:00.000-08:00

Deanna over at Domestic Chicky has this gem to share with us. It might not be on the list of "I'm gonna make this three times a week!" because it's still probably a little high on the calories, but it seems like a good way to calm that Mexican fix. Seeing as how I'm a midwestern girl and this is sorta casserolish, it's right up my alley.

Her original recipe calls for all fat, but she says she's made it with the low fat/low cal versions and it's just fine. That's the way I'll post it here.

Mexican Chicken Casserole

Serves 4-6

Pre-heat oven to 350-f degrees.

In a mixing bowl, combine:

2 Cups Shredded Cooked Chicken
1 Cup low fat Shredded Cheese ( I use a cheddar/jack combo)
1 can low fat Cream of Chicken soup
1/2 Cup skim milk
1/2 Cup non fat sour cream
1 can Ro-tel tomatoes (canned tomatoes with jalepenos-mild)
1/2 packet taco seasoning (or more- to taste)

In a greased 2 qt baking dish, put a layer of crushed doritos (about 2 cups), then a layer of the chicken mixture. Repeat once more, ending with a layer of chicken mixture. Top with more shredded cheese, cover, and bake for 30-35 minutes, till bubbling hot.

You can add other items to this, depending on your preferences, like olives, green chiles, onions, etc…The chicken mixture would also make a great enchilada or burrito filling.

MILF Update Week ?

2007-02-09T06:13:00.000-08:00

This week was not so good yet not too bad. We had the SuperBowl party on Sunday and I kept sneaking snacks all week long. I thought for sure I would either stay the same or gain some back.

I lost 1 lb. That's good, then. I'm upset I didn't get to my goal of 2 lbs but I'll try to make it up this week.

Total lost: 11 lbs so far! Yeah, me! How did you do?

tip: if you get up and weigh yourself and you've only lost 1/2 pound, take a shower. I managed to lose another 1/2 pound by doing so! hahahaha!

Italian Meatloaf

2007-02-08T09:49:00.001-08:00

1girl2boys has graciously passed this yummy looking comfort food onto all of us MILFs...enjoy! Then go on over and say "Hiya!" to her!

Here's one of my favorites:

Italian Meatloaf

2 lbs of extra lean beef or turkey
2 eggs, beaten
2/3 c old fashioned oats
1/2 c no sugar added pasta sauce
1 pkt onion soup mix
garlic powder

mix together and put in crockpot on low for 8 hours, top with mozzerella cheese at the end

MILF Recipes

2007-02-07T08:24:00.000-08:00

Since some of you have expressed interest in having a recipe swap, I will gladly use my site to host these recipes.

If you have a recipe that you've swapped out ingredients for a lower calorie version and it's fantabulous, let me know. If you found a recipe that's to die for, pass it on. Or if you are in need of some ideas for a party or get together, call out for help here.

You can either email me the goods or leave it on a comment and I'll post it. If you have the nutritionals and/or points values, that makes it all the easier on all of us MILFs (notice I did not include "future" in that label cuz y'all are some fine women!)

I've already posted the Buffalo Chicken Dip. Who's next?

Recipe Swap

2007-02-06T12:40:00.000-08:00

Continuing to support my fellow MILFers, I think we should have an ongoing recipe swap. I'd be glad to host it if y'all want me to. Let me know what you think!

Buffalo Chicken Dip

2007-02-05T13:13:00.000-08:00

So, I wanted to post this recipe because Ann wants to be able to pass it off to her hubby. I think it passed the test pretty well at the party and I couldn't really tell the difference. Perhaps it has to do with the mega amounts of hot sauce?

Tip: the original recipe calls for canned chicken but I always have tons of leftover chicken in the freezer. I make alot of whole chickens and the leftovers make for great soups and hey! Buffalo Chicken Dip!

2-3 cups of chicken, cut up and shredded
1 C buffalo chicken wing sauce
1/2 C Frank's hot sauce
2 (8 oz) packages of fat free cream cheese
1/2 C fat free ranch
1/2 C lite bleu cheese - I couldn't find any fat free versions
1 1/2 C 2% cheddar - get the brick kind and shred it yourself...already shredded has flour on it and makes this dip greasy.
carrots, celery, crackers, etc

Put the chicken and sauces in a large baggie and combine so that all chicken is covered. You may need to add more or less depending on your liking. I drenched mine and I added a bit more hot sauce. Marinate overnight.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Set the cream cheese out to soften. Combine with ranch and bleu cheese and 1/2 C of cheddar. Spread this mixture into bottom of 8x8 or 9x9 pan. Layer chicken/sauce mixture on top of this. Top with remaining cheese. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes.

Some people transfer into crock pot or combine all ingredients into a crock pot. I think it looks nasty that way and I like the layers. You may have to reheat the dip after it's out for a bit.

So, the most fat is in the bleu cheese. I don't think that's bad, do you?

one more addition: I had just enough of this left over that I may try it as a wrap on some whole grain tortillas with lettuce. I'll give you an update!

Super Bowl Chow Down

2007-02-05T07:26:00.000-08:00

Yes. I had a brownie. And a piece of cherry pie. With ice cream. But, I did make an awesome buffalo chicken dip with fat free cream cheese, fat free ranch and lite bleu cheese. And it was belish. Unfortunately, I ate the hell out of it. Ah, well. At least I drank nothing but water the whole night.

Exercise was my friend this weekend. I went to the gym on Friday night and did 30 minutes on the elliptical followed by strength training. Isn't it funny how you input your weight, age, etc into that machine and it tells you how many calories you're burning? It told me I burned 352 calories but when I put the exercise and time into spark people, it said 413. So, I picked the spark people one. Ha! Wouldn't you?

I ice skated on Saturday for an hour but because I'm not that good, I put in that I did it for half an hour. See? I'm not a total liar! Shut up.

Did the gym thing yesterday, too, because I knew I'd be at the trough that night. Thank gawd I did.

Oh and my latest mind trick is that I put my goal weight each week on my calendar. It stares at me every time I open the fridge. It's also in ink.

Also, I wonder if the people at the gym know that I'm wearing pajama pants? They look like gym pants and they don't have any print on them. Still I wonder.

Friday MILF Update

2007-02-02T07:29:00.000-08:00

Stepped on the scale this morning, frankly afraid of what I was going to see. After a pizza binge last Friday and cutting back on my cardio and strength training, I was sure to see a gain.

2 pounds, GONE, baby!!!

How in the hell did I pull that one off? I mean, I still did the recommended cardio and I still maintained my diet so I guess that's it. I'm now up to a 10 pound loss and it feels great!

I did break down and join a gym. "Why, oh why, did you join a gym, Sillychick?" Because it's frickin' cold, that's why. It's supposed to be in the negative temps next week and I know my ass isn't going outside if it doesn't have to. It's only $10/month so I'm not out too much if I slide.

But I'm not gonna slide, people. Not this time. Not with you all supporting me and rooting for me. You won't let me! And I luurrrve you for that. Thank you so much, mamas!

Her name is Payback and she's a Bitch

2007-01-29T06:19:00.000-08:00

I stepped on the scale today, purely for shits and giggles. At the sight of the numbers, I may have been (figuratively) shitting but most definitely not giggling.

Those 3 pounds I lost last week? They're back.

I must not let this get me down. In the past I've always let that gain be the end of my new found resolve to lose the weight. This time I won't allow that to happen.

I will get back out there and walk, walk, walk. I will do my strength exercises. I will eat more healthfully (no pizza, I guess is what that means.)

I need your advice, though. Do you remember this post? I'm still having problems in that department. If you're weak in the stomach, go no further. If you're okay with it, I'd really like some input (ha!) on how to deal with this.

I'm only going every other day, and even then it's not easy. I was thinking it was because I've cut out the grease and gross stuff but I'm ready to incorporate some of it back in if it'll help. I'm eating leafy greens most every day, not much cheese and my usual fiber-y breakfast. So, I guess my question is: if it were you, would you try the laxative route?

I'm sorry for grossing you all out...but I'm freakin' desperate here!

Oh, the perils of a Friday night

2007-01-27T08:54:00.000-08:00

Partly to celebrate my weight loss, partly to hang out with Lulu, partly to see a friend's band play but mostly to get the hell out of the house, my husband and I went out last night. To a bar. With a great pizza place attached to it.

Now, my plan was to eat sensibly all day long so that I could have some extra calories for drinks. I was hoping the place would have Sugar Free Red Bull so that I could have that with Absolut. Campus bars do not have sugar free anything, just so you know. Fine, Red Bull it is. Two of those with about 4 shots of vodka...I think. I lost count. You see, I've not had much alcohol in the past 3 weeks. Used to be I'd have a glass of wine, or two, maybe more, with dinner. I cut that out when I started this.

Okay, I get buzzed, I get huuunnnngryyyy. And fuck if that pizza wasn't calling my name. I tried to reason with it, push it away but still it beckoned. Then I tried to rationalize, telling myself that hey, I was dancing and dancing burns calories! But seeing as how it was a tiny bar and all I was really doing was the white boy junior high shuffle version of a dance it didn't really count.

Yeah, I gave in.

Two Red Bull - 230 calories
Four shots of Vodka - 385 calories
Four slices of pizza - 1,729 calories
Getting home at 3:30 am only to wake up at 7 with the baby and with a raging hangover but still loving the fact that you went out with your luvah - Priceless

My ass has already walked 50 minutes and you'd better believe I'll be out there later.

MILF Update - Week 2

2007-01-26T06:04:00.000-08:00

This week was definitely different than last week. I dealt with cravings and a few days of going to the high end of my caloric intake. I didn't do as much cardio and even fewer strength exercises. This last part I did on purpose though, because I was worn out by the end of last week and really quite sore. I'm still doing at least 5 days of walking, even in this frigid weather.

In the last few weeks I've eaten out twice. Twice. That's huge for me and my family as we usually eat out 3-4 times a week minimum. I've definitely gotten good at improvising my meals.

Once was to Applebee's and it was not all that enjoyable to me because I'm so used to getting the fried, gooey stuff. Yesterday, I took my dad to lunch and really the only place around his house that I could imagine having somewhat healthy foods was Bob Evans. No.

I asked the waitress for a nutritional chart. She looked at me like I had two heads. So I asked if she had any lo-cal items. Unless I wanted the "Lite Breakfast" that consisted of scrambled egg beaters and one (one!) link of lite sausage, I was out of luck. Even the salads looked daunting. Her suggestion? Take off the cheese. Thanks Einstein. So, I ordered the lunch portion of a cranberry walnut chicken salad, dressing on the side. When I got home I looked up the calories: almost 700!!! WTF? Needless to say, I was already at my limit so I skipped dinner. I wasn't really hungry so it wasn't so bad.

All of this to get to my weigh in: a 3 pound LOSS! Yes! I figured I'd do okay, but not 3 pounds. My husband dropped some weight, too. He's been going to the gym 3x a week and doing the "Couch to 5K" program.

How about you?

Hump Day

2007-01-24T12:49:00.000-08:00

Today is officially my two week anniversary of...a new beginning? a do-over? I dunno. I started on Spark People two weeks ago and I am here to tell you, it's working. I have had a few days of cravings and not wanting to do anything but eat crap food, but I'm still going.

They (who are "they" anyway?) say it takes 21 days of consistently doing something for it to become a habit. I'm one week away from that. I think I'm doing pretty damn good.

I can't help but wonder that if I do well with this aspect of my life, how it might affect others. I've been bitching and moaning about the various jobs I've had over the last few years and have often wondered what, exactly, is my calling. Perhaps this year will make that answer much clearer.

I realize now that I've been moving sort of sloth-like through my last few years. I have spent more time moaning and groaning than actually doing something about it. I have no more excuses, I guess. The baby is not such a baby anymore so I can go back to school. My husband is right along side of me as far as the dieting is concerned, so that's covered.

Now the hard part: what do I want to be when I grow up?

Battles

2007-01-23T11:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was tough for me. I wanted something salty and greasy so badly that it seemed that no matter what I did, it was a constant in the front of my mind. My husband tried to help by telling me to go get a pretzel. A pretzel? Only if it's got mustard and some cheese to dip it into! Sheesh!

I got over my chinese fix by making some low cal fried rice. I had leftover steak and chicken and brown rice, so I threw that all together with some carrots, onions and celery. It was pretty good, but it was no General Tso's. I even attempted to find a low cal version of General Tso's...that's a big, fat no go's.

I didn't get my exercise in because I went over to visit my friend, Lulu. I denied the wine and beer offered to me, but gave in after an hour or so to a slice of pepperoni pizza. As the saying goes,
"Rome wasn't built in a day."

I'm doing good so far today, with my usual breakfast of Special K with Berries and a Smart Ones microwave meal. I want to walk tonight, but we've finally gotten the winter weather around here so hopefully I won't freeze my ta-tas off.

Hep me hep me!

2007-01-22T12:23:00.000-08:00

I am in the middle of a huge fight with my inner demon who is currently craving salt, salt, salt!!! Thank god there are no chips around here or I'd be currently covered in greasy, salty, crumbly goodness.
Oh, and I'm in serious need of General Tso's chicken...with friend rice...and an egg roll.

Thank you, thank you!

2007-01-22T07:17:00.000-08:00

Thank you for all the wonderful comments! I'll tell ya, it really does make a difference to know that we've all got a support group out there to cheer us on and to pick us up when we're down.

You guys really kept me on track this weekend because I did my usual trick after losing weight: I had those thoughts of, "well since I had such a big loss this time I can sneak in some cookies," or, "this snack really won't hurt me." Every time I had one of those guys come in my head, I'd go on my computer and read yet another comment that one of you nice chickies left for me and it really kept me on track.

So...THANK YOU, FELLOW MILFS!!!

And all the Pointer Sisters sing...

2007-01-19T06:49:00.000-08:00

I'M SO EXCITED! AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT!

Girls, guys, everyone...I lost 5 lbs this week! I lost 5 lbs that have stubbornly stayed on this chubby body in one week! Well, not stubbornly...how stubborn can you be when your host is all, "fat, say hello to chips, cookies and french fries, your new bestest friends forever"?

So, with a new way of eating, exercising and an overall attitude adjustment I hit my first loss. I know it's a big loss and I know I've set myself up somehow, but I can't help but feeling great! This decision has changed me somehow, I don't know exactly how. I've always heard people say that you have to want it, you have to know within yourself that it's time for change and folks, I'm here to tell you, I think that's what happened. I know it's a little early on to be saying this, but I'm being honest here.

Why do I think this way? Because all this week I tracked my calories, exercise and other goals and I knew, even before weighing in this morning, that I was good. I knew last night, as I sat down to my first restaurant meal in over a week, that I had about 600 calories to spend. But as I sat perusing the menu, I instinctively went toward the lighter fare. Yes, my daughter's corn dog and french fries were calling my name as they went uneaten, but I couldn't spoil all that I had done over the last week. I just couldn't.

I can only hope that I keep this way of thinking. We shall see.

How did you do? I'm going to be checking up on you!

Studying for Friday's Exam

2007-01-18T06:20:00.000-08:00

So, tomorrow will be my first official weigh in of the MILF program and I'm excited on one side, a little scared on the other.

I know I've watched my calorie intake every day and I know I've exercised every day as well. That's not what's bothering me.

Well sillychick, what, praytell, is bothering you? How should I put this for your delicate, virginal ears?

I'm having trouble in the potty department. Seems that since I've cut out all the fried and processed nectars of the gods, I'm a little backed up. I'm doing the whole fiber-in-the-morning thing, eating lots of vegetables (the green leafy kind, even!) and am drinking 8+ glasses of water. So, what's up?

My husband says he's going just fine, thank you very much. Beh! I don't know a man who hasn't had trouble going! On another note, I will say it's a bit frustrating with this new lifestyle because he's allowed approximately 800 more calories per day than I am...hard to deal with when he's bitching at the end of the night that he hasn't yet met his minimum caloric intake. But...he is doing this with me and it's a helluva lot easier that way. It's nice to have a partner who understands exactly what I'm going through...except in the bathroom area.

So, tomorrow we shall see. How is everyone else doing?

I had a WTF moment

2007-01-16T08:05:00.000-08:00

Last night as I was entering my calories for the day, I realized I was about 300 calories short. My husband was also about that much. I'd read that you should at least get your minimum amount and I've been needing my carbs to get up so he suggested popcorn.

Eh, not the healthiest choice, but okay. It was 7:00 and I needed something because I told myself that 7:30 is my cut off time (thank you Oprah!)

Did you know that 1 cup of Orville Redenbacher's Movie Theater Popcorn (that's lotsa buttah!) is only 35 calories? So, I had 2 cups and finished up my 8 cups of water. Still didn't put me to my minimum.

What the fuck?

Monday, Monday

2007-01-15T06:20:00.000-08:00

I didn't do too badly yesterday, in my humble opinion. Total calorie count for the day came out to a little over 1500 but I really expected it to go sky high because I was going to that baby shower. I was good, though.

I watched all the women go around the table, picking up veggies and chips and dip and a sandwich. When everyone was done, I went over and piled on the veggies (sans dip) and grabbed half of a turkey wrap which I shared with my mom. I kept the water coming too. My worst thing was a piece of chocolate cake about 2"x2" with frosting only on the top. Last weekend at my son's birthday party, I had a huge CORNER piece (you ladies know what I'm talkin' 'bout mmmhmmm.) So, pretty damn good.

I pushed myself in cardio yesterday. In the morning I set up the MP3 player in the garage and proceeded to do some sort of quasi-lunatic aerobic routine. My original intent was to jump rope for 10 minutes. Do you know how hard it is to jump rope for even a minute? Gah! Given my sweater puppets, it's not much for fun. So, I danced, jiggled, jumped, ran in place, basically spazzed out for 15 minutes. I must've been a sight.

Last night I tried this program that my husband found called "From couch to 5K." The first week, you do a 5 minute brisk walk, then run for 60 seconds, walk for 90 seconds. Repeat this for 20 minutes. I was out there for 27 minutes doing that and I was beat! (Note to self: buy a stop watch with a light in it as it's hard to be running and try to look at face of said stop watch in the dark.) I almost didn't go out in the first place because, folks, I was tired! I forced myself to do it though. I came home afterward, stripped out of my sweaty clothes and announced I was going to bed at 9:30!!!

I tossed. I turned. My knees ached. My leg muscles hurt. This is the price you pay for getting healthy, I told myself.

Finally, at 11:00 I found my husband and whined that I couldn't sleep. Could he please come rub my back and legs? Even after he was doing this, I couldn't relax. My mind was filled with meal possibilities and calorie burners. He finally told me to shut up after an hour so that he could go to sleep.

Then, this morning he found an article about over exercising. Symptoms? Insomnia, sore muscles, inability to focus. Hmmm, methinks he's on to something here. I'm afraid I've overdone it and I'm not even at a week yet. I've gone gung-ho about cardio, walking every day for no less than 35-40 minutes, really pushing myself. He says I have to take today off.

But today is my strength training day. I feel like I'll be jilting my lover if I take today off. I don't know that I'll not do the strength training, but I'll definitely not do the cardio. Maybe. I committed to do at least 10 minutes of cardio a day. I said, "I do." Are those words not sacred? Woe, woe is me.

I'll let ya know.

Showers for Baby

2007-01-14T15:13:00.000-08:00

So, I did okay at the party with the worst thing being a small piece of cake and not even an outside one! There were turkey wraps and I had about 1/4 of one. I tried to count the calories correctly and I'm not sure if I did or not, but I'll make it up with extra cardio tonight.

I've passed on the Spark People website to several people. In my mind, that means they know I'm trying hard at this and I'm now accountable to them as well.

I lied

2007-01-13T16:33:00.000-08:00

So, I didn't really weigh myself yesterday but that was the weight from Wednesday so I'm assuming all is good. I've been working very hard at tracking my calories eaten and my exercise done so I didn't want to "jinx" myself by weighing myself so soon.

Today was a major flub as both my husband and I got Chicken BLT Salads from Wendy's. Over 600 calories!!! The rest of the day was okay though...I managed to, once again, stay in the 1300 calorie range. We also walked a19 min/mile for about 45 minutes so we're good.

Tomorrow beholds a baby shower and I'm hoping I'll do okay there. The hostess, who has had great success with WW, let me know the foods that will be there and I'm prepared as much I can be.

There was a show on last night concerning two doctors new found way of losing weight. No real new information, other than to say that women's waists should, at most, be 32" to avoid the threat of high bp and diabetes. Mine is 40". With a brother and father who are both diabetic (albeit Juvenile Type 1) it's still quite scary to think of getting that disease. These doctors said that the fat in your midsection is different than fat on other parts of your body, doing things such as not allowing your body put out the necessary insulin and lying on your kidneys. It's pretty scary stuff.

Makes me want to work all that much more.

Friday

2007-01-12T11:41:00.000-08:00

Weighed in at 217 today. I've signed up at SparkPeople and I'm ready to go. I'm keeping my food journal over there as well one for my exercise.

I've made a commitment to go to 180. If I lose 2 lbs per week, I'll be at this weight by the end of May. In order to do this, I have to:

a) consume between 1200-1500 calories per day
b) do some sort of cardio for 30 minutes 3x a week
c) do some sort of strength training 3x a week.

Yesterday I was at just over 1500 calories. I did my video workout in the morning and then walked last night for 45 minutes.

Already today (3pm) I'm over 700 calories. I did do some strength training this morning and I'll finish it tonight. If the weather permits, I'll walk as well. I need to find my roller blades...it burns over 2x as many calories as walking.

I came in at around 1350 calories today. I finished the strength training and walked a 17 min mile for 30 minutes. I'm hoping this works!

Mom O Matic: Future MILF's Recap

2007-01-11T07:06:00.000-08:00

Mom O Matic: Future MILF's Recap

Yeeehaaawwww!!!

Nice, huh?

2007-01-11T06:53:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so the whole will power thing? Shot to hell. Accountability? What's that? But, now I've gone and done it: I've committed to become a MILF. And I really, really want it.

So, here are my stats as of today, Thursday, January 11th, 2006.
Weight: 217
Height: 5'7"
Boobs: 36K
Clothing Size: 18

My goals are:
a) to lose 15 lbs by my birthday on April 9. That's 7 1/2 weeks away, for approx 2 lbs a week. Is this a lofty goal, one that's unattainable? I'm not sure. But I gotta start somewhere.
b) to be in a size 14 by the end of June.
c) to be qualified for breast reduction surgery by the end of the summer, which means I have to lose 27 lbs by then.

Because I signed up with these wonderful women, I should also start documenting my daily activities. For the most part, I sit on my ass in front of computer all day long so I have to make up for either in the morning or at night. Last night I walked with my dog for a little over 30 minutes. This morning I popped in a new work out dvd. I made it thru 20 minutes of the 30 minute workout. Part of the reason was because I was worn out, but mainly because I was running late for work. I think I would've finished it otherwise.

This morning I ate a cup of Special K with 2% milk and Splenda. Gotta get different milk, I know. I also indulged in a cup of coffee with 2 T of flavored creamer.

I was hoping that my husband would join me in this endeavour but he told me last night that by me pushing him, that it only makes him not want to do it. I've tried not pushing him, but that doesn't work either. I guess he has to figure out what'll work for him. I'll just try to cook healthier for all of us.

And we're off!

Tis the season

2006-12-21T07:58:00.000-08:00

to totally flake on your diet and exercise plan.

I know I told myself that I'd be diligent in writing down everything I ate and that I'd exercise at least 3 times a week.

But then came birthdays, holidays and general laziness. Although I'm running around like mad, I've not lost any weight. Could be the countless calories consumed by sweets, homemade meals and none burned by walking with the dog, but I'm not sure.

I am sore this morning, however...from wrapping presents. How many calories does that burn? And does munching on the goodies your mother in law sent offset those? Just askin'.

Summah summah time

2006-12-12T08:05:00.001-08:00

I'd rather NOT look like this next summer

Tuesday Morning

2006-12-12T07:43:00.000-08:00

So, my weekend went as normal with me eating everything in sight. I got up on Sunday and made pancakes and bacon. I did only eat one and half pancakes as opposed to my 2 or 3. I then when to my mom's to do Christmas baking. I really only tasted a few things...mainly because I really do get tired of too much sugar. Yes, that's humanly possible.

Yesterday (Monday) was usual fare ie. crap. I think if I could just eat in moderation, I'd be okay. But, damn...homemade chicken and noodles over mashed potatoes is just goooood! I did take my dog for a walk for about 30-45 minutes last night. It was actually quite refreshing.

I think I'll keep going for walks. I actually enjoy those :-)

My weight this morning: 215.

Eh, who's counting?

2006-12-09T17:05:00.000-08:00

Before I update this, I need to first state that my weight yesterday was 217. That being said, I need to lose 27 lbs to get out of the "obese" category.

We ordered chinese last night, so my eating choice was not the greatest. I did, however, pass on a molten chocolate cake later on that night. But...I snacked on more rumaki around 10.

This morning I had:
a half cup of coffee with syrup
about a half cup of "chocolate" rice...sounds disgusting, but I loved it as a kid. As I was eating it and imagining the calories, I quickly lost my appetite and threw the rest away.

My lunch was a cup of leftover fried rice and about 6 or 7 rumaki. I think I need to just throw away this rumaki shit. We went to Costco to go shopping and they had all kinds of samples. Think I walked past them? Of course not. Bite sized cheese, mashed potatoes with pot roast, etc.

Dinner was 3 pieces of pepperoni pizza. I burnt the hell out of the bottom so I ate the toppings off 2 more pieces. 1 1/2 glasses of red wine.

I look at this "menu" and it is making me sick. I ate absolutely nothing healthy today.

I did take my dog for a walk tonight for about a half hour. I tried to jog for 30-45 seconds, then walk for 3-4 minutes. I'm definitely out of shape. All I can do is keep trying.

I soooo did not want to update this today. I knew what I had eaten and I didn't want to admit accountability...but if I want to lose this weight, I have to face this. I'm really going to try this time.

The first post

2006-12-08T08:00:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I've officially decided to take charge of this weight issue thing I've got going on. I've struggled for the past 10 years or so with my weight, never really being huge but not fit at all. I get very anxious when around skinny people and it seems that my weight/food is constantly on my mind. It's no longer healthy, either physically or physiologically.

Other than taking my dog for a walk every once in awhile, I do little to no exercise. I tend to get very comfortable sitting on my ever-expanding ass on the couch while watching television. I sometimes supplement this time with some oreos or chips...followed up by a healthy dose of guilt. My husband is not very helpful (sorry, honey, but you're not) because he never pushes me to not eat so much or to go out and exercise. He has a weight problem too and a true sugar addiction. When I have a craving, I can usually sate it with a few bites of ice cream or 4 or so cookies...he can't stop at that. He'll eat the entire pint or the whole package.

So, it's up to me to help us both out. I do the grocery shopping so I can no longer bring home snacks. I have to start nagging him to get up and go for a walk. I hate this burden, really I do...I think I'd do better with someone nagging me. In my sick mind, I want someone to call me out on my weight...to almost put me down...in order to kick start this new way of life. I need a doctor to tell me my life is in danger or for some stranger to call me a "fatass." Obviously, my own self-deprecation isn't working, although I do imagine strangers actually thinking these thoughts to themselves.

First thing I do? I log what I eat and how much I exercise. I write down my feelings. I become responsible. I state a goal.

Goal: To lose 30 lbs by July. That's about 5 lbs a month. I was told by a trainer that in order for me to lose 1 lb per week I had to either: a) limit myself to 1200 calories/day or b) exercise 3x/week for 30 minutes. Honestly, I would rather do (b) than (a) but I will work on both. I have to lose this amount of weight in order to get a breast reduction, according to a doctor my husband spoke with. And honestly? My ginormous boobs have been hiding my ever-increasing belly so I really don't want to lose the boobs to expose the belly. Better get to work. If I lose that 30 lbs, I will probably be wearing size 14s instead of 18s. I have a shitload of size 14s in the basement just waiting for me. Are they in style? I dunno...been awhile.

It's 11:17am Friday, December 8th, 2006. I have had a 16 oz coffee with 3 sugar free flavored creamers. I ate one sugar cookie with icing and 4 pieces of rumaki. Breakfast of champions.
Calories: coffee with creamer - 180
sugar cookie - 200
rumaki - 200
These are all approximations and I think I'm aiming a bit high. We'll see what the rest of the day holds for me.

It's 1:37 and over the past two hours I ate about 10 rumakis. Instead of piling them on a plate I would get up from my desk, walk the 40 or so feet to get to them, and bring them back one by one. I also drank 16 ounces of water. I know these are little steps, but that's how I'm going to roll this time.